girls night out

Last night I went to see the Sex in the City movie with two girlfriends. It was opening night, something I've never experience before. We bought our tickets earlier in the day and then went to the last showing at 10:30pm. It was a long movie, so I didn't get home until 2:00am! I have not stayed up that late in ages.

This morning I've been thinking about the movie and trying to decide if I liked it or not. I discovered the HBO show, Sex in the City, after Melody was born. I was a new stay at home mom, struggling with postpartum depression. The show was an escape for me. I liken it to eating lots of Ben & Jerry's ice cream... not necessarily good for me, but fun. I loved the city aspect of the stories. I enjoyed watching Carrie's addiction to shoes, even though I've never owned a pair of heels. In fact, I might have been the only person in the theater last night wearing flipflops. I've never seen so many women trying to be trendy. Me? I had on a pair of Gap bermuda shorts and a Target t-shirt. I ate berry flavored chewy lifesavers as I dreamed of being as skinny as the movie stars.

The movie's story was not as smart or funny as the show. Also, Big's character was not true to show. Maybe he had a change of heart in the past four years. To me, he was annoying and noncommittal in the show. In the movie he was sweet and doting. I felt like Charlotte didn't have much of a place in the story. Her adopted Chinese daughter was a cute subplot, but it annoyed me that she was present during a lot of the dialog scenes with the four friends. Samatha's story was boring. Miranda was true to the old show, and I liked the interaction between her and Carrie the most. The Valentine's Day restaurant scene was one of my favorites. I also like the scene when Carrie hit Big with her bouquet of flowers in the middle of the street.

It was a fun movie to see on the big screen, but the story line was not a strong as the episodes from HBO.

house pictures

I have decided to share some photos of my house. I love it when people post their house pictures; especially when they are people who I have never visited. A person's home can tell a lot about who they are. One of my ongoing goals in life is to make my home a place I enjoy to be. It is a slow process. I buy most of my stuff cheap cheap cheap. We rarely purchase new things. I love garage sales. Stores that inspire me are Restoration Hardware, Pier 1 Imports, Anthropologie, Pottery Barn Kids, and Land of Nod. I also enjoy the following magazines - Real Simple, Cottage Living, Domino and Blueprint. I am not one to adhere to a certain style. I've always enjoyed bright colors. From an early age I had a vision of using neutral pieces of furniture and accenting with bright bold colors. I remember laying in bed at night (in junior high) and dreaming of a room/house with these ingredients. It boggles my mind that I am seeing the fruition of those thoughts now at age 31. Here are a the main living areas of my house:

romantic at three

The other day Chad noticed Melody staring up at our wedding pictures in the entry way. The following conversation occurred:


Chad: "Do you know who that is?"

Melody: "I don't know."

Chad: "That is your mommy. She has on a pretty dress. All these pictures are of our wedding, when we got married."

Melody: "She looks pretty. I wish I could have got married."


And so it begins.


[Also said by Melody, at the end of Cinderella: "Aww, Cinderella found her daddy (the prince)."]

days of old

Lately I've been organizing the desk in the playroom/office. Today I happened upon a journal of inspirational clippings kept during my time at DaySpring as a greeting card designer. I sat on the primary colored puzzle mats and began flipping pages. Career memories flooded my mind. I recalled research trips with talented coworkers. We'd travel to big cities and spend 10 hours a day on our feet, browsing the best paper shops, card shops, gift shops, and inspiring destinations. Once we went to the Dallas Botanical Gardens and spent the afternoon comparing color schemes found in nature. Following these outings we would collapse at a restaurant and discuss our findings. We'd explore ways of bringing the creativity to our card designs. Those trips were heaven.

As I flipped through the pages of the creative journal I found some artwork that caught my eye. Then I saw my name next to it. It was something I had created myself! I didn't remember making it; I'm so glad I jotted my name down as I worked. I thought to myself, "Wow. I did that?" It felt really good.

These work events occurred about four, five & six years ago. Among the clippings was a loose piece of paper. It was a letter I wrote to a friend from college. (I'm notorious for writing letters and never sending them. Sorry, friends.) In the letter I reminisced about our college years. There I was in the midst of a creative fun job, and I was thinking the time four years before. Part of the letter read:

Oh Lord, you're beautiful.
Your face is all I seek.
For when your eyes are on this child.
Your grace abounds to me.

I'm listening to these words right now. They bring back a flood of feelings and memories from JBU chapel days. Back when my heart was full of longing for Jesus. I remember the Dry Gultch fall retreats; pastor Keena speaking about "doing what we're created to do;" singing hymns in the back of the cathedral, surrounded by others' voices so full of passion and force; leaving that big building with a burning deep inside my chest; longing for more of Jesus, to love Him so strong forever.

It's really too much for me to express; how much those days meant to me. It was like I was in the desert every day of my life until John Brown University. And there I found the water that made me blossom and grow. My time at JBU was the highlight of my life. There was so much new hope. I wouldn't trade it ever.

Today's discovery of my JBU letter and my DaySpring journal was a pleasant reminder. I'm thankful for both of these experiences. They shaped me into the person I've become.

happy mothers day to me

We left the local, artsy, quality, hip, unique restaurant with full bellies and happy kids. We strolled the few blocks to the car, passing flowers, homes, library, rock walls, and lots of people. The sun and wind warmed and cooled us simultaneously. Chad and I chatted happily as each of us buckled a child into her carseat. A few streets later we sat at a red light, all four of us quiet. Several things swirled through my head...

"Those were such great blueberry pancakes."
"I wonder how many creamers we used?"
"The girls were so good."
"I wonder what Laura is doing for her first Mothers Day."
"We can't forget to call our moms and grandmas today."

I remained silent and enjoyed the moment as it was. I soaked up the perfectness of the Sunday morning, my special day with my sweet family.

dirty play

A few days ago the girls and I came home from a long string of errands, one being grocery shopping. The girls were happy to run around in the yard while I unloaded the car. They continued to play while I put the groceries away in the kitchen. Ten minutes later I came outside to find a sullen Leah covered in black potting soil. Melody was full of shrieking glee, jumping around like a caffeinated cricket. She gets that way when she is doing something unruly to her sister. I told her dirt time was over and she instantly dissolved into sobs (thus the last photo.)

mothers day project

Yesterday I made a Mother's Day project for my mom, MIL, grandmas, and aunt. I was excited about showing them off until I saw the horrible photos I took. I apologize for such ugly, blurry, sad photos. I need to make myself read the manual on my newish camera. (Canon Powershot SD750 Elph -- any tips are welcome). I'm new to digital photography and definitely need some lessons.

The project was super fun for me to work on, until I ran out of scrapbooking paper. I made a trip to Walmart and bought a packet of paper to use for Leah's photos. I got home, opened the package of paper, and all my momentum and excitement for the project swirled down the drain. The paper was cheap and boring and Leah's little picture frames look lifeless next to Melody's. I would have made the 30 minute drive to the nearest Hobby Lobby if gas wasn't so expensive.

My friend Kelli came up this craft for Christmas ornaments. Each year I eagerly await her mail to see what Christmas card extraordinaire she has made by hand. Her framed family photo ornament outshines these that I made. She is more of craftsman than me.

some more spunky

Leah has a lot of spunk. Her little personality might have more spunk then Melody. Leah has lots of characteristics of my personality. She is more extreme than Melody. Have you ever met someone who was strong and feisty and sensitive at the same time? That is Leah and me. In junior high my friend's mom said to me, "Rebekah, you can dish it out but you can't take it." The comment hit me like a slap in the face. (Proving her point exactly.) I've never forgotten those words. They are so true. I have a feeling I'll be teaching Leah the same lesson someday. For now, we can enjoy the crazy face above. I always laugh when she puts her top teeth behind the bottom ones.

spunky necklace

I've been wanting to show everyone this photo for days. I took this picture in the middle of our spunky spell with Melody. She and I spent the morning making her new rainbow necklace. The outfit was not planned. Obviously. She demanded a dress but it was a cold day, so we compromised. She is such a hoot sometimes.

flickr

Check out my new flickr photos!

(I'm feeling much better after five days of Claritin and three nights of Tylenol PM.)

sick

Yesterday morning I woke up feeling terrible. Lightheaded, weak, exhausted, and achy. A sore throat developed as the day wore on. I spent the day trying to take it easy, which is challenging with two little ones. Melody and I napped together while Leah napped in her crib. I love napping with Melody. Her three year old body is so much bigger than the weightless newborn who used to sleep on my chest/tummy in the wee hours of the morning.

Tylenol helped me get through the day.

Last night I was worse, and this morning I thought I had strep throat. My ongoing challenge of deciding if I should go to the doctor or not began. Growing up my mom was the type to wait thing out. We were all pretty healthy so this approach worked well. Once in high school I suffered with the flu for a full seven days before we finally went to the doctor. I had bronchitis. (My first time.) A rumor started at school that "Rebekah Kotter's family doesn't believe in doctors."

Nice.

Back to today's happenings...

I decided to go to the doctor because it is Friday and I didn't want to suffer with worsening strep throat the the whole weekend. I loaded the girls up and we made the 35 minute drive to Fayetteville. (I could go to Siloam which is closer, but I prefer a Fayetteville group of doctors.) On the way there I responded to Melody's comments with a low, slow voice because I was really weak. I was lamenting the days when Chad was unemployed and able to help out with parental duties during the day.

We did the whole wait-for-the doctor in both waiting rooms thing. They did a strep test. Negative. I have the beginnings of a viral infection caused by allergies. (It makes sense because we spend the first three days of this week outside at the park and farmers market and I was not taking my claritin.)

$93 later we drove home, me still talking in my slow tired voice. Melody and Leah did great and once we got home, we all crashed for naps together. I'm watching the clock for the moment Chad will arrive home after a long two days.

another poop ball story

This morning I took the girls to the park. As we were playing Melody said with fervor, "I HAVE TO PEE!" I scooped her up and we jogged over to the public park restrooms. (Ick.) The women's was occupied. Mel said again, "I HAVE TO PEE!"

I made a split second decision and said, "Let's see if you can just pee on the grass right here by the wall." Hahahaha. She was wearing a long dress with leggings underneath. I took the leggings and panties all the way off and had her squat low. I held her dress out, to protect her from anyone's view. We stayed in that position for about 30 seconds. I said, "Did you go pee yet?" She responded with a low grunt, "I'm not peeing. I'm POOPING."

Right. Great.

Another 30 seconds went by before Melody popped up, ready to return to the playground.


"I POOPED!!! I POOPED!"

"Shhh!!! Okay. Don't say it again."

I pooped, I pooped, I pooped!!"

"OKAY, SHHH! I said don't say it again."

"But mommy, I pooped on the GRRAAAAASS!"


I send her running back to the playground (under the supervision of a friend within sight) and started the lovely task of transferring the poop ball pile into the restroom with wads of toilet paper. Fun, fun.

more mel sayings

Said from the couch to Chad as he walked in the front door, "Hey kiddo."

Said as she was jumping on the bed, "Mommy, I have so much energies."

Yesterday afternoon we were all working in the front yard. Melody was picking wild flowers. After a few minutes I began to worry about snakes in the tall grass of the wild flower area. We told her it was time to stop picking flowers and to come back to where we were in the yard. She was super upset to stop her activity. She said through tears about 25 times, "Daddy, why did you take away my job?" (We talk about 'jobs' a lot around here. This my Mommy's job. This is Daddy's job. This is NOT Melody's job. ie: washing Leah's hair in the tub, etc.)

One of my favorite Mel sayings is when she calls her sister, Leah Sagey. (Leah's middle name is Sage.)

some relief!

My mom is here today. She visits every other week. Today she is helping me retain some sanity. I'm hulled up on my bedroom. iTunes is playing loudly (to drown out the noise in the rest of the house). I have a painting spot set up in front of a window with the late morning sun pouring in. Coffee and water are within reach. I'm ready to create something!!!

I hope someday I can be the type of grandma that rescue's Melody and Leah in the midst of their crazy mommy/toddler days. I'm so thankful for my mom's help.... both emotional and practical. I only wish my MIL lived so close! She is an amazing grandma as well.

introducing....

Sally Jane Gowan!!! She was born today at 12:12. She weighs 7 pounds, 4 ounces and is 21 inches long. We are so proud of you Laura!!

I am feeling discouraged today. Life is suddenly overwhelming. The majority of my angst is related to Melody. We have been at odds with each other for several days in a row and it's wearing me out. My times with her are either wonderful or terrible. One second she is whining for me to hold her, "Mommy, you haven't holded me yet." The next moment she acts as if she wants me to leave her alone. I can't win. Until now my instincts have served me well. This is the first time I feel at a total loss as a mom.

In other news, one of my closest friends is in labor! Laura and Neil are expecting their first baby and she will arrive any time today! I got the call that she was in labor this morning and ever since I've felt emotional and excited and nervous.

photos and etsy

I'm changing some things on my blog. I might even go as far as to change the entire design. I'm excited to write more and finally start posting pictures. I've always held off on the picture part of blogging because I felt like this was a place for me to practice writing. Well, writing is definitely taking a back seat to everything else these days, so this is becoming more of a place to talk about my kids. I might as well show how cute they are too!

Another thing I'm working on right now is an etsy shop. I'm pretty far off from setting up shop, but I've started some projects. I need name ideas, if any of you have some.

"Mommy, I'm so worried about myself," Melody said as she laid in bed for a nap after a rough morning.

My new adjective for her is SPUNKY. I like this word because it describes her craziness without being negative. Spunky is good, right? I told one friend, it's as if I give her a gallon of sugar every hour. She is 1000% alive with energy, loudness, opinions, demands, and nonstop talking. It is hard to think straight in the midst of such a whirlwind. Today I put the peanuts in the fridge!

She says repeatedly as she walked aimlessly through each room of the house, "I don't know what I'm suppose to dooooooooah."

She is so much like me! We both do better when we're not at home. Some moms lament going to the grocery store, but for us, we get along BETTER when we're in public. This is a good thing until I try to stay home for a few days in a row! Then I begin to feel like a hostage. I do my best to keep the B-word (boredom) at bay. As a kid, I REMEMBER being sooooo bored. It was the worst feeling ever so I'm continually trying to help the girls find new things to do. Lately Mel and I have been doing more artsy stuff.

This morning our one pleasant time together was at the kitchen table. She made a necklace with multi-colored plastic beads while I painted something for her room. (Leah was napping.) We worked together for about a hour, listening to Waterdeep the whole time. Last week I downloaded one of their worship CDs (You Are So Good To Me) and we've both been enjoying it a lot. Music is one of the only things that calms her down when things are spinning out of control.

This one hour of positive time together was great, but what are we suppose to do with the REST OF THE DAY?! Tonight she went on a date with daddy. Whew.

more thoughts on the leah honeymoon

Since I wrote yesterday's post, I've been feeling uneasy about my words. I did not explain my feelings about Melody very well. I do not want to leave the impression that I favor one of my girls over the other because thankfully that is NOT the case. They are both delightful to my heart. One of the coolest things about them is how DIFFERENT they are. Anyone who knows us, exclaims about their opposite dispositions. Perhaps this makes it easy for me to love them both with everything in me?

After I wrote yesterday's entry I was thinking about it more. I think the reason I'm having a Leah Honeymoon is because right now she is in a much easier stage than Melody. Leah is 17 months today. She is barely walking, not really talking, and fun fun fun. Melody is three and a half. Every second with Mel is an opportunity for lessons on obedience and cooperation. Discipline happens as often as eating and it WEARS ME OUT. Since Chad went to back work three weeks ago, I've had to step it up in the discipline arena with Melody. Even on a good day with Melody, it is work, work, work.

During it all, Leah slowing walks around the house, her tiny hands balled into kickboxing fists in front of her face. She is SO MUCH EASIER than Melody right now. I realize that every month is a phase with them and soon they will trade places. Soon, Leah will go to Grammy's house to make s'mores with grandad and Melody and I will have the time of our lives here together.

leah honeymoon

Today my mom took Melody home with her. Grammie lives one and a half hours away. Since Melody turned two, she frequently spends one or two nights there. Tonight I called to chat with her before bedtime. She had a limited amount of time to talk to me because she was making s'mores over the stovetop with grandad!

When Melody is gone, Leah and I have a great time together. Our relationship changes. It is simple, easy and fun. Melody demands my undivided attention all day long, and Leah tends to be in the background. I struggle to give them both what they need and by the end of the day I'm exhausted and they still want more, more, more of me. In having just Leah for a day or two, it's easier. Today we played and played and played. We enjoyed the warm, windy, spring afternoon by swinging high and throwing rocks in the creek behind the house. She jabbered away at me. Her baby words are softly spoken compared to Melody's boisterous ongoing stories. It was so much fun to laugh and converse with Leah and have no toddler interruptions, tantrums, discipline, or fussing. (And at the same exact time, I'm totally thinking about Melody and missing her and wondering how she is doing.)

I know I want to have more babies. (Adopted or biological, I'm not sure.) There are days when I think I'm ready to add a third child. Then I think of Leah and her struggle to be heard, seen, held. The idea of waiting a few more months or a year or two is appealing. Perhaps we'll wait awhile and have two more who are close in age. Two boys, perhaps? (From Sudan, perhaps?) By then, I'm sure Leah will have plenty to say on the subject.