dreams vs reality

This morning Melody and I woke up early. I was tired and groggy. She is teething and our nights have been rougher than usual. I turned to see the clock. 6:23. We got out of bed (she slept with me last night) and she was singing her morning song. She is happiest in the mornings. I changed her diaper and put on my knee length Gap camouflage shorts. They belong to Chad, but I recently discovered they fit me! It was great to know I can wear some of his clothes again. We used to switch and trade clothes all the time. My 55 lb pregnancy weight gain changed that fact.

I put Melody in the backpack and leashed the dog. He was sleepy and excited at the same time. I don't think he'd ever been for a walk that early. The air outside wasn't as refreshing as I hoped. The Arkansas July air remained humid despite the early hour. It was quiet and still though. Morning has always been my favorite time of day, but I usually am too lazy to do anything about it.

We walked for thirty minutes. Many cars exited the neighborhood during this time. The passengers appeared to be on their way to work. Each passing car reinforced my thankfulness to be at home with Meldoy instead of working fulltime. I feel so lucky. Our morning walk was a dream come true.

Lately I've reaized something new: I am a dreamer.

I always have an ideal picture in my head of what the future holds. In this picture there are steady things that do not change. The house is clean and extremely organized. Our bills are neatly filed. I am skinny. Unique decorations adorn each wall. Beds are made. Meals are planned and healthy. I exercise regularly and feel strong.

When we were in the process of buying our current house I held these high dreams. Now, three years later, a couple walls have decor that is pleasing to my eye. The bills are paid on time, but a file pile is approaching one foot tall in the spare bedroom. I am slowly loosing weight but the idea of being skinny again feels like a far away thing. The beds are made about 40% of the time.

Now we are in the process of builing a house in the country. I find myself dreaming again. Paint colors from Restoration Hardware, high gloss cabinets, cedar trim, flower boxes, dreamy patio.... I lay awake at night pondering what each room will look like. Lately I've been realizing that the new house will still have a file pile, struggling plants, and makeshift furniture.

Does everyone have this dilemma? If so, how do we jump out of it and make our dreams reality?