People keep asking me, "Are you ready?" There are several different types of "ready" they could be referring to. Is the house ready for the baby? Am I physically uncomfortable enough to want to go into labor? Is the nursery ready? Are the baby's clothes and bedding washed? Am I mentally prepared for contractions?
I am getting closer to all of these types of ready. Each night turning over in bed is more difficult. It borders on painful. I groan and lunge and pull the covers off Chad in the process. The baby's room is almost all together. The bedding and blankets are washed and sealed in large ziplock bags to keep them as dust free as possible. Tiny clothes are hanging in the closet. They are so small that they don't hang down more than 12 inches from the rod. I have a stash of diapers underneath the crib. Newborn. Size 1. Size 2. Tons of wipes also.
I guess the next step is becoming mentally prepared. Lately I find myself daydreaming of holding the baby immediately after she is born. I try to envision what it will be like to behold her for the first time. Her face, body, hands, feet, etc. Who will she look like? Will she make eye contact with me? Will she have a loud cry? I also daydream about the first days of taking care of her. Baths. Diapers. Feeding. Holding. Carrying. What will it be like? I am excited, but I don't know if I am ready. Some say you are never ready. This may be true, but I feel about as close to ready as I think I'm going to get.
12/14/2004
12/13/2004
wonderful saturdays
Chad and I have had two awesome Saturdays in a row. Last weekend we carved out time to spend the whole day together. We went out to breakfast and shared a large mocha with our egg sandwiches. Then we bought an eight foot Christmas tree. We set up the tree in the corner of the living room but ended up not decorating it because the branches needed to fall in order to hang lights and ornaments. The scent of pine filled the house as we misted the tree with water from a spray bottle. We spent the rest of the day playing games and taking it easy.
This past Saturday I woke up with a sore throat. Chad made me breakfast and hot tea with honey and lemon. Then we played Monopoly in front of the fireplace. He got the yellows by chance as well as three of the railroads. Because of this he would not make a deal with me; and he won! I think it was the first time he's beat me at Monopoly since we got married. He was pretty happy. We also played poker. Texas hold 'em, seven card stud, five card draw, deuces Wild. I had a few full houses. The trick was betting conservatively because Chad is fast to fold, being the cautious person that he is.
From time to time we'd talk about the baby and how soon she will arrive. We go for brisk walks in order to prepare my body for labor. Our neighborhood has quite a few Christmas lights. This is a fun time to be expecting a baby. I can't wait to hold her wrapped up in a soft fuzzy blanket.
This past Saturday I woke up with a sore throat. Chad made me breakfast and hot tea with honey and lemon. Then we played Monopoly in front of the fireplace. He got the yellows by chance as well as three of the railroads. Because of this he would not make a deal with me; and he won! I think it was the first time he's beat me at Monopoly since we got married. He was pretty happy. We also played poker. Texas hold 'em, seven card stud, five card draw, deuces Wild. I had a few full houses. The trick was betting conservatively because Chad is fast to fold, being the cautious person that he is.
From time to time we'd talk about the baby and how soon she will arrive. We go for brisk walks in order to prepare my body for labor. Our neighborhood has quite a few Christmas lights. This is a fun time to be expecting a baby. I can't wait to hold her wrapped up in a soft fuzzy blanket.
12/07/2004
letters and packages
I have a long time friend. We've known each other since junior high. We've been through close times and not-so-close times. With the exception of 3 months we've always lived in different states. I was a lonely 6th grader with no friends when her family moved to our town in Northern California. We met at church and hit it off immediately. Three short months later her family moved again... far away. Thus began a long friendship of letters.
We wrote to each other on a weekly basis. I saved a lot of the letters. It is fun to go through them all these years later. Our handwriting was bubbly back then. The stationary was bright florescent colors. I loved Lisa Frank stuff back them... purple, pink, stars, hearts, unicorns, kittens... very junior highish stuff.
As we got older we talked on the phone more. We talked about boys late into the night. I remember one conversation where we listed out the ten boys we wanted to kiss! I think we were in 16. (Neither of us had kissed anyone yet at that point.) We also continued writing letters during this time. We both wrote with the same amount of detail. This common hobby of writing is the thing that kept our friendship alive.
During college we were not as close. We drifted a little after she got married. I was busy with new friends while she was occupied figuring out marriage stuff. Letters were more sporatic and phone calls less frequent. After a few years I go married. We started corresponding more, which leads us to present day.
My friend is also pregnant. She is due two weeks after I am. For the past 8 months we've been emailing, writing, and chatting nonstop about our pregnancies and the future. We've been exchanging packages full of babies items. When one of us finds a clearance item or a steal at a garale sale, we think about the other and wonder if it is package-worthy. We know each other's tastes. She knows I love the Baby Gap. I know she dislikes the feel of micro-fleece.
I am thankful for our letter-writing and package-sending hobby. It's fun to have a friend who has the same delight in sharing silly details and baby trinkets.
We wrote to each other on a weekly basis. I saved a lot of the letters. It is fun to go through them all these years later. Our handwriting was bubbly back then. The stationary was bright florescent colors. I loved Lisa Frank stuff back them... purple, pink, stars, hearts, unicorns, kittens... very junior highish stuff.
As we got older we talked on the phone more. We talked about boys late into the night. I remember one conversation where we listed out the ten boys we wanted to kiss! I think we were in 16. (Neither of us had kissed anyone yet at that point.) We also continued writing letters during this time. We both wrote with the same amount of detail. This common hobby of writing is the thing that kept our friendship alive.
During college we were not as close. We drifted a little after she got married. I was busy with new friends while she was occupied figuring out marriage stuff. Letters were more sporatic and phone calls less frequent. After a few years I go married. We started corresponding more, which leads us to present day.
My friend is also pregnant. She is due two weeks after I am. For the past 8 months we've been emailing, writing, and chatting nonstop about our pregnancies and the future. We've been exchanging packages full of babies items. When one of us finds a clearance item or a steal at a garale sale, we think about the other and wonder if it is package-worthy. We know each other's tastes. She knows I love the Baby Gap. I know she dislikes the feel of micro-fleece.
I am thankful for our letter-writing and package-sending hobby. It's fun to have a friend who has the same delight in sharing silly details and baby trinkets.
12/06/2004
feeling strange
I am starting to wonder how far away labor is. My body is doing weird things. I experience small contractions often, but not regularly. Usually they don't distract me from what I'm doing at the moment. I am trying not to get too excited. After all, I'm still 5 weeks away from the due date.
I'm still growing. I had to buy yet another pair of pants over the weekend. The ones that I thought were going to last me until the end are too tight to wear. The tight band made it impossible to bend over. One doesn't realize how often she bends over until her pants start to cut her in half! Simple tasks like tying one's shoes becomes a major feat. I was annoyed to have to buy another pair of pants when I'd rather spend the money on the baby. The new jeans are wonderful though. I actually feel kinda cute in them!
I'm still growing. I had to buy yet another pair of pants over the weekend. The ones that I thought were going to last me until the end are too tight to wear. The tight band made it impossible to bend over. One doesn't realize how often she bends over until her pants start to cut her in half! Simple tasks like tying one's shoes becomes a major feat. I was annoyed to have to buy another pair of pants when I'd rather spend the money on the baby. The new jeans are wonderful though. I actually feel kinda cute in them!
12/03/2004
hot dish
Wednesday night was especially fun. Laura had us over for dinner. Beck recently decorated their duplex for Christmas. It is cozy and relaxing. I got comfy in the recliner with a homemade quilt while Laura and Neil finished making dinner. We had Hot Dish. I'd never heard of it before -- it's a midwestern thing I think. She layered ground beef, tomato soup, green beans, and mashed potatoes in a dish and baked it. It was a success. Chad renamed it "Tater Pie" which made us all laugh and be silly. Thankfully my laughter didn't turn into unexplainable tears this time.
12/01/2004
name
I am having naming issues. When we found out we were going to have a baby I was excited to talk about names. Soon we had a short list of options. We decided on a boy name easily. Logan Hunter. We like Logan because it is unique, but not weird. I also like 5-letter names for some reason. Two syllable names are nice. We had a harder time with a girl name. Melody was on the list from the beginning. It was my favorite. After a few months we settled on it. A few weeks ago Chad said out of the blue, "Are you positive about the name Melody?" I had been wishy-washy as well so we began to reconsider. The problem is, no other names have jumped out at us. We are blank. We settled on Melody again.
I am still unsure though. Ellen and others love the names they've chosen and "know" they are right. I like the name Melody, but I don't love it. I wonder if she won't look like a Melody when she's born. Or will people mistake her for a Melanie her whole life? Maybe we'll have a surprise boy and the name thing won't be an issue. I thought about using Logan for a girl, but Chad feels strongly that it is a boy's name. I don't know what we'll do.
I am still unsure though. Ellen and others love the names they've chosen and "know" they are right. I like the name Melody, but I don't love it. I wonder if she won't look like a Melody when she's born. Or will people mistake her for a Melanie her whole life? Maybe we'll have a surprise boy and the name thing won't be an issue. I thought about using Logan for a girl, but Chad feels strongly that it is a boy's name. I don't know what we'll do.
11/30/2004
heartburn
I am experiencing heartburn these days. The due date is less than six weeks away; the heartburn started about two weeks ago. I've never experienced anything like it. No wonder there is a whole aisle dedicated to antacids and over-the-counter drugs for sufferers of heartburn. It is horrible!!
It usually hits me in the afternoon and crescendos into full blown torture by the time I try to fall asleep at night. I've tried avoiding carbonation, walking, eating small meals, and drinking water. Sometimes these things seem to help and other times they make no difference. Every once in awhile I'll have a heartburn-free day and I cannot figure out the reason. I hope this pregnancy symptom goes away as soon as the baby is born!
If anyone know of tricks to calm the pressure in my upper chest, let me know! So far I've been using Tums every now and then. They help a little.
It usually hits me in the afternoon and crescendos into full blown torture by the time I try to fall asleep at night. I've tried avoiding carbonation, walking, eating small meals, and drinking water. Sometimes these things seem to help and other times they make no difference. Every once in awhile I'll have a heartburn-free day and I cannot figure out the reason. I hope this pregnancy symptom goes away as soon as the baby is born!
If anyone know of tricks to calm the pressure in my upper chest, let me know! So far I've been using Tums every now and then. They help a little.
11/29/2004
thanksgiving
We had a good Thanksgiving trip. The first two days were spent with my mom's side of the family. Each year they rent a church camp. The females and babies get one of the bunk bed rooms and the men/boys get another. We each bring the makings for our favorite side dish and aunt Julie makes the turkey. There is an annual football game between cousins, uncles, and spouses. We also had a ping-pong tournament which Chad won.
My cousin Amy and I got along for the first time in our lives. She is four years older than me. In previous years there has always been tension between us. It was never addressed, but always present. This time we clicked and chatted amiably. She has two young kids. I think the fact that I'm about to become a mother is the reason we clicked. For the first time we have something in common. She shared well-received advice, funny stories, and mother wisdom. Our pleasant time together was a long time coming and I am happy about it. Grandma would be happy too.
The second half of the trip was spent with my Uncle Jerry; my dad's brother. Uncle Jerry has always been a family favorite. Everyone loves him. He is easy going, nonjudgemental, and lots of fun. Jerry, dad, brother, and Chad played lots of poker. We ate gobs of blue bell ice cream (cookies and cream), had large/late breakfasts, watched satelite television, and didn't leave the house for two full days. It was relaxing.
Uncle Jerry and I reminisced about the days when I was a little girl. He'd visit us in Fort Worth and give me a quarter. We'd walk to the corner 7-11 gas station so I could spent the money. He says it took me a long time to decide what to buy. He patiently waited while my little mind worked through the vast candy choices. Good ole Uncle Jerry.
My cousin Amy and I got along for the first time in our lives. She is four years older than me. In previous years there has always been tension between us. It was never addressed, but always present. This time we clicked and chatted amiably. She has two young kids. I think the fact that I'm about to become a mother is the reason we clicked. For the first time we have something in common. She shared well-received advice, funny stories, and mother wisdom. Our pleasant time together was a long time coming and I am happy about it. Grandma would be happy too.
The second half of the trip was spent with my Uncle Jerry; my dad's brother. Uncle Jerry has always been a family favorite. Everyone loves him. He is easy going, nonjudgemental, and lots of fun. Jerry, dad, brother, and Chad played lots of poker. We ate gobs of blue bell ice cream (cookies and cream), had large/late breakfasts, watched satelite television, and didn't leave the house for two full days. It was relaxing.
Uncle Jerry and I reminisced about the days when I was a little girl. He'd visit us in Fort Worth and give me a quarter. We'd walk to the corner 7-11 gas station so I could spent the money. He says it took me a long time to decide what to buy. He patiently waited while my little mind worked through the vast candy choices. Good ole Uncle Jerry.
11/23/2004
that time of year
I've been in the mood to decorate for Christmas for the past week. I lugged 4 rubbermaid containers from the garage into the living room. They are full of lights, ornaments, candle holders, tree accessories, and trinkets. I arranged a group of white candles on our mantle. They are leftover from our wedding. (Which was four years ago!) Each evening I light them and enjoy the glowy light. I've started playing Christmas music and drinking hot tea with lots of honey.
Earlier in the pregnancy I didn't know if I'd be excited for the holidays this year. I thought it might be better to skip them. As the days got shorter and holiday baking items appeared on store shelves I found myself excited for the holiday season again. I love this time of year.
Part of me hopes little Melody is born this year. I want to put her in a soft red velvet stocking and take her picture!! I'm trying not to get my hopes up for her to arrive early though. Many first time pregnancies go past the due date. I don't want to flip out when January 9th comes and goes and I am lumbering around, as big as a house, putting away Christmas decorations.
Earlier in the pregnancy I didn't know if I'd be excited for the holidays this year. I thought it might be better to skip them. As the days got shorter and holiday baking items appeared on store shelves I found myself excited for the holiday season again. I love this time of year.
Part of me hopes little Melody is born this year. I want to put her in a soft red velvet stocking and take her picture!! I'm trying not to get my hopes up for her to arrive early though. Many first time pregnancies go past the due date. I don't want to flip out when January 9th comes and goes and I am lumbering around, as big as a house, putting away Christmas decorations.
11/22/2004
all mixed up
We have seven weeks until the baby is due. I am a ball of excitement, stress, emotion, joy, stife, tears, laughter, on and on. A couple nights ago Chad and I were hanging out with three close friends. We were having a low-key happy time together. Something funny was said and I started laughing. Soon tears were filling my eyes and before I knew it I wasn't laughing anymore. Instead I was crying. Chad and our friends exchanged confused looks. I buried my face in a couch pillow and tried to regain my composure. It took awhile. I felt like a toddler who had missed her nap. Everything was simply too much for me. Soon after the emotional outburst, I assured my friends that I was okay and headed home to go to bed early. I wish I had made my exit thirty minutes before. Thankfully I have very cool friends and we will laugh about the incident in the future.
11/19/2004
long awaited bowl
Over a year ago I posted an entry about a blue bowl. (See September 2003 posts.) I broke a favorite antique family bowl. Since the incident I've been scanning shelves at flea markets looking for a replacement. No luck. Today I arrived at work to find a wrapped gift sitting in front of the keyboard on my desk. The card said, "to Rebecca." This baffled me because my name is spelled "Rebekah." I assumed it was a baby gift, but could not figure out who would give me a gift yet not know the spelling of my name.
I opened the card and glanced at the name at the bottom of the note. It was from a girl that I barely know!!! She is a friend of a friend, a slight acquaintance. She's one of those people who I knew of, but I was not sure if she even knew who I was. I guess she knows me, too! Her note said that she reads my blog from time to time. She remembered my blue bowl story so when she found the small blue bowl at a flea market she bought it for me!!!!
I am a gift person. I love buying gifts for people. Rarely do I receive something so perfect as this morning -- this aquaintance must be made of the same gift/giving/receiving material of which I'm made. I felt a kindred spark as I read her note and tore the yellow pokka dot paper from the worn blue bowl. It was a wonderful way to start a Friday morning.
T H A N K Y O U H E I D I ! ! !
I opened the card and glanced at the name at the bottom of the note. It was from a girl that I barely know!!! She is a friend of a friend, a slight acquaintance. She's one of those people who I knew of, but I was not sure if she even knew who I was. I guess she knows me, too! Her note said that she reads my blog from time to time. She remembered my blue bowl story so when she found the small blue bowl at a flea market she bought it for me!!!!
I am a gift person. I love buying gifts for people. Rarely do I receive something so perfect as this morning -- this aquaintance must be made of the same gift/giving/receiving material of which I'm made. I felt a kindred spark as I read her note and tore the yellow pokka dot paper from the worn blue bowl. It was a wonderful way to start a Friday morning.
T H A N K Y O U H E I D I ! ! !
9/10/2004
unexpected disappointment
I am truly happy about having a girl now. It took me a day or two to get to this point. After the ultrasound I was surprisingly baffled and sad. Chad and I went to a small town diner for breakfast after the appointment. As we waited for our food a family of three sat down at a nearby table. They had a 2 year old boy. My heart sank as I realized I wasn't having a boy. Later that evening my mom and I went shopping for baby clothes. As I sifted through the clearance rack I paused at each boy outfit with a sigh.
Two years ago my heart was set on having a girl. Then something happened and the idea of a baby boy became endearing. When I found out I was pregnant my instincts told me it was a boy. As an ENFP I trust my intuition a lot. It usually proves correct. I rationally understood that the baby might be a girl, but I purchased boy items and pictured a blue baby room. We settled on a boy name. (Logan Hunter.) When the ultrasound-lady told us it was most-likely a girl (she was 90% sure), I was surprised and numb.
I've gone through a mild process of grief to accept that this baby is not a boy. I am elated to have a girl, but also sad for the boy that will not be. I did not expect these feelings to be part of finding out the sex of the baby. I thought I'd be joyful just like I was the day I found out about the pregnancy. Instead I've had to process my feelings and thoughts to get to that excited place.
Now I'm ready to think GIRL. We've settled on the name Melody. For middles names we're thinking about Leah, Kate, and Raine. (Any opinions of these are welcome! I like hearing people's thoughts.) I've also been brainstorming about the nursery. I think we'll still do a blue & green theme with small doses of pink here and there. We'll paint the walls a pastel aqua color. I plan to paint large pokka dots on one wall with a gloss version of the same color. Another wall will get wide stripes.
It's been a weird week. I'm thankful we found out the sex of the baby now, rather than waiting; this way I feel more emotionally prepared than I would otherwise. Of course, there is still small chance it could be a boy... when I start thinking about that I get all weird again.
Two years ago my heart was set on having a girl. Then something happened and the idea of a baby boy became endearing. When I found out I was pregnant my instincts told me it was a boy. As an ENFP I trust my intuition a lot. It usually proves correct. I rationally understood that the baby might be a girl, but I purchased boy items and pictured a blue baby room. We settled on a boy name. (Logan Hunter.) When the ultrasound-lady told us it was most-likely a girl (she was 90% sure), I was surprised and numb.
I've gone through a mild process of grief to accept that this baby is not a boy. I am elated to have a girl, but also sad for the boy that will not be. I did not expect these feelings to be part of finding out the sex of the baby. I thought I'd be joyful just like I was the day I found out about the pregnancy. Instead I've had to process my feelings and thoughts to get to that excited place.
Now I'm ready to think GIRL. We've settled on the name Melody. For middles names we're thinking about Leah, Kate, and Raine. (Any opinions of these are welcome! I like hearing people's thoughts.) I've also been brainstorming about the nursery. I think we'll still do a blue & green theme with small doses of pink here and there. We'll paint the walls a pastel aqua color. I plan to paint large pokka dots on one wall with a gloss version of the same color. Another wall will get wide stripes.
It's been a weird week. I'm thankful we found out the sex of the baby now, rather than waiting; this way I feel more emotionally prepared than I would otherwise. Of course, there is still small chance it could be a boy... when I start thinking about that I get all weird again.
9/08/2004
IT'S A GIRL!!!
Chad and I went to our ultrasound appointment this morning. The nurse said there is a 90% chance we're having a girl!!!! We are very happy. We have no preference for a particular gender, but all along I had a feeling it was a boy. When the nurse said "girl" I was surprised. It took me all day to get used to the idea of a girl. I've shared the news with my coworkers and family. Everyone squeals and hugs with joy. It is wonderful to have support and excitement around me.
The nurse said the baby measured big so my due date might change to Christmas day instead of January 9th. I would feel better about that because I've already gained 20 pounds! I'm starting to get uncomfortable. I have shooting aches along one side of my back and hip. Sleeping is getting difficult. I was a monster this morning. The idea of being two week further along makes me feel a little better. I am beginning to get antsy about the approaching 3rd trimester. I am also feeling joy and anticipation that makes the hard stuff worthwhile.
The nurse said the baby measured big so my due date might change to Christmas day instead of January 9th. I would feel better about that because I've already gained 20 pounds! I'm starting to get uncomfortable. I have shooting aches along one side of my back and hip. Sleeping is getting difficult. I was a monster this morning. The idea of being two week further along makes me feel a little better. I am beginning to get antsy about the approaching 3rd trimester. I am also feeling joy and anticipation that makes the hard stuff worthwhile.
8/31/2004
general happiness
I'm enjoying life these days. Being at home is one of my new favorite things. I used to be very social. I would make plans with people for nearly every night of the week. The weekends were full of company, meals with others, and talking on the phone. These days I'm different. I'm content to be at home alone. Chad traveled to Chicago last weekend and I soaked up the solitude like never before. In days past I would have filled my days with people, people, people. Instead I shopped alone, ate out alone, cleaned house alone, watched chick-flicks alone, planted mums alone and enjoyed every second of it. I even went to church alone! Before I would have never done that because I hated going to church by myself. Maybe the change is due to the sqirming life inside of me. I feel the baby moving about every 30 minutes! Or maybe I'm cherishing this alone time because in 4 short months I will have a baby to care for with minimal breaks. All I know is that solitude is my new best friend.
8/25/2004
halfway
I had another doctor appointment today. We did the usual. Weigh in. Pee in a cup. Blood pressure. Doppler (heartbeat). Any questions? It was a fast appointment. The baby's heartbeat is stronger than it was last time. It goes swoosh-swoosh-swoosh. Chad and I smiled at each other as we listened to our baby's heart beating.I tried hard not to laugh with glee as I listened to it. Laughing causes static which overruns the swooshing.
We'll have an ultrasound in two weeks. If the baby cooperates we'll find out if it's a boy or girl. I'm ready to know!
We'll have an ultrasound in two weeks. If the baby cooperates we'll find out if it's a boy or girl. I'm ready to know!
8/24/2004
little legs kicking
I'm feeling the baby move everyday now. I read last night that it's legs are the size of an adult little finger. No wonder the kicks are faint and fast! The book also said the baby kicks an average of 1000 times in a twenty-four hour period. I wonder how they know that? I guess the baby is working hard in order to grow muscles. Go baby go!
8/16/2004
a productive weekend
Chad and I had a productive weekend. The biggest accomplishment made was a 10 foot picket fence across the edge of our front porch. Now that it is finished, it looks like a simple project; but it took us an entire Sunday afternoon to do. Chad made sure all the edges were flush and square. He cut 45 degree angles at the top of each picket to make a more 'finished look.' I like his attention to detail. We are pleased with the result. I'm excited to paint it white this week. I envision some homemade flower boxes along the top of the fence with springtime tulips. Maybe red ones. Do tulips do well in flower boxes? I don't recall seeing them that way.
In other news, I felt the baby move yesterday for the first time!!! I was laying in bed after a nap. I was relaxed and on my side. All of the sudden I felt a strong, faint, quick, flick. I think it was a kick? I smiled broadly and continued to lay there for 20 more minutes hoping to feel another movement. It feels even more real now. We will find out in 5 weeks if it's a boy or girl. Last night I dreamed we had a girl. All my other instincts say it's a boy.
In other news, I felt the baby move yesterday for the first time!!! I was laying in bed after a nap. I was relaxed and on my side. All of the sudden I felt a strong, faint, quick, flick. I think it was a kick? I smiled broadly and continued to lay there for 20 more minutes hoping to feel another movement. It feels even more real now. We will find out in 5 weeks if it's a boy or girl. Last night I dreamed we had a girl. All my other instincts say it's a boy.
8/04/2004
to buy or not to buy
I have a confession. I am in love the Baby Gap clothes. I can browse their store with no concept of time, thumbing through the adorable prints and soft items. I get squealy when I see the tiny cargo pockets on the boy things and the delicate feminine trim on the girl things. I have not purchased a lot of baby clothes yet. I have a 25% off voucher for the Baby Gap for this weekend. I'm ready to go buy the whole store! My question is, how much stuff does a newborn really need? How many onsies will I need each day? Any advice of experienced moms out there is welcome!
8/03/2004
better again
Well, the roller coaster continues and today I'm feeling better again. I'm very thankful that the overwhelmed-freakout-days only last for 24 hours. I was able to sleep last night and I woke up feeling much lighter. Part of the solution was probably the fact that I worked my bootie off in kickboxing last night. I'm convinced my stress level increases when I don't exercise. Side kicks are getting very difficult now that my belly is bigger. My balance and flexibility are going down the drain fast. Soon I'll be on the back row with the old people in the class. One guy is in his 60s and has had a knee replacement surgery. He's endearingly cute with his large black boxing gloves and skinny old man legs. He kicks only 6 inches off the ground and cracks jokes the entire hour. As long as I keep doing something I figure I'm better off than just sitting on the couch.
8/02/2004
overwhelmed again
This pregnancy thing has me second guessing myself every other day. One day I feel on top of the world. The next day I am anxious, scared and full of questions. Yesterday was one of the bad days and it is overlapping into today. I feel stressed out about how to have this baby. Pros and cons of a hospital birth vs a home birth swirl in my head. I never thought I'd consider doing a home birth with a midwife, but the more I learn, the better it sounds. And yet, what if something goes wrong? I'd never be able to forgive myself.
I'm also worried about work. I try to take things one day at a time, but inevitably there are days when I want to throw up my hands and give up. "This is too much!" I think to myself. Then the next day I have a great time and I say to myself, "Wow. I love my job."
I guess I'm on the pregnancy roller coaster everyone talks about.
I'm also worried about work. I try to take things one day at a time, but inevitably there are days when I want to throw up my hands and give up. "This is too much!" I think to myself. Then the next day I have a great time and I say to myself, "Wow. I love my job."
I guess I'm on the pregnancy roller coaster everyone talks about.
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