the state of ready

People keep asking me, "Are you ready?" There are several different types of "ready" they could be referring to. Is the house ready for the baby? Am I physically uncomfortable enough to want to go into labor? Is the nursery ready? Are the baby's clothes and bedding washed? Am I mentally prepared for contractions?

I am getting closer to all of these types of ready. Each night turning over in bed is more difficult. It borders on painful. I groan and lunge and pull the covers off Chad in the process. The baby's room is almost all together. The bedding and blankets are washed and sealed in large ziplock bags to keep them as dust free as possible. Tiny clothes are hanging in the closet. They are so small that they don't hang down more than 12 inches from the rod. I have a stash of diapers underneath the crib. Newborn. Size 1. Size 2. Tons of wipes also.

I guess the next step is becoming mentally prepared. Lately I find myself daydreaming of holding the baby immediately after she is born. I try to envision what it will be like to behold her for the first time. Her face, body, hands, feet, etc. Who will she look like? Will she make eye contact with me? Will she have a loud cry? I also daydream about the first days of taking care of her. Baths. Diapers. Feeding. Holding. Carrying. What will it be like? I am excited, but I don't know if I am ready. Some say you are never ready. This may be true, but I feel about as close to ready as I think I'm going to get.


brian said...

You're still working, right? Are you wrapping up a bunch of stuff because you know you're going to stop soon? Are you going to quit? Come back part time?

bekah said...

Yes, I am still working. Each day I seem to drag myself into work a little later. I have two projects to finish up before I leave. Right now the plan is for me to take a 12 week maternity leave and then return and work 4 day weeks. We're keeping our options open though -- we're not sure exactly how things will pan out.

brian said...

Makes sense to me. That's really exciting! You can't plan everything anyway, 12 weeks away is a long time, and a heck-of-a-lot is going to happen during that time. Any number of decisions could be made and un-made in that time. Maybe if you were an old pro at child-bearing, then you'd know what you plan on doing.