9/10/2004

unexpected disappointment

I am truly happy about having a girl now. It took me a day or two to get to this point. After the ultrasound I was surprisingly baffled and sad. Chad and I went to a small town diner for breakfast after the appointment. As we waited for our food a family of three sat down at a nearby table. They had a 2 year old boy. My heart sank as I realized I wasn't having a boy. Later that evening my mom and I went shopping for baby clothes. As I sifted through the clearance rack I paused at each boy outfit with a sigh.

Two years ago my heart was set on having a girl. Then something happened and the idea of a baby boy became endearing. When I found out I was pregnant my instincts told me it was a boy. As an ENFP I trust my intuition a lot. It usually proves correct. I rationally understood that the baby might be a girl, but I purchased boy items and pictured a blue baby room. We settled on a boy name. (Logan Hunter.) When the ultrasound-lady told us it was most-likely a girl (she was 90% sure), I was surprised and numb.

I've gone through a mild process of grief to accept that this baby is not a boy. I am elated to have a girl, but also sad for the boy that will not be. I did not expect these feelings to be part of finding out the sex of the baby. I thought I'd be joyful just like I was the day I found out about the pregnancy. Instead I've had to process my feelings and thoughts to get to that excited place.

Now I'm ready to think GIRL. We've settled on the name Melody. For middles names we're thinking about Leah, Kate, and Raine. (Any opinions of these are welcome! I like hearing people's thoughts.) I've also been brainstorming about the nursery. I think we'll still do a blue & green theme with small doses of pink here and there. We'll paint the walls a pastel aqua color. I plan to paint large pokka dots on one wall with a gloss version of the same color. Another wall will get wide stripes.

It's been a weird week. I'm thankful we found out the sex of the baby now, rather than waiting; this way I feel more emotionally prepared than I would otherwise. Of course, there is still small chance it could be a boy... when I start thinking about that I get all weird again.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Melody Kate sounds great.... heh...

Congratulations Bek, hope the change in thinking is nice and peaceful. Can't wait to see the little one when she enters the world!

Dan

Sarah said...

How about Melody Marie M. mmmm

skylarkyblue said...

beck- i like melody raine. it is kinda different. =) but beautiful.