the latest

So, I wrote a post about depression and then fell off the face of the earth. The Laura picture was a big realization. I am depressed a lot of the time. After that post I spiraled down for a few days. The house fell apart. I was socially blank. I coexisted with the girls. A new cycle came and things brightened up. I slowly pulled things around me back to order. These slumps leave me exhausted. It's more of a mental exhaustion than anything else. My thoughts swirl:

"You're too hard on yourself."
"You're too easy on yourself."
"Don't think about it."
"Get a drug already."
"Exercise, exercise, exercise."

Here is what you've missed in the past couple of weeks:

• A short haircut for me. (Photo later.) I love it. Now I want to get some chunky blonde highlights.

• Melody is coloring like crazy. One Saturday she colored at the table for FOUR HOURS. We had had a crazy Friday the day before. I think she was decompressing. After the four hours of coloring, the slept for three hours. Why can't she do that on a weekday?!

• Leah eats more than I do every single day. She also sleeps through the night now. It feels so great to not be tired all the time. I get up with Chad in the mornings for breakfast again.

• I thought I might be pregnant last month. I made a vow to myself that if I wasn't I'd learn how to chart. We want more kids, but not now. I'm not pregnant. (I was 98% relieved and 2% sad.) I borrowed Taking Charge of Your Fertility and am reading it.

• Church has been awesome. When I'm sad, I feel so much closer to God. I guess this is because I need Him and I'm desperate for Him. It's good to want God and to experience Him as a comforter.

• Melody did swim lessons last week. She can now dog paddle! Seeing her paddle across the pool unassisted was a surprising thrill. It felt similar to the joy of seeing her walk for the first time.

That's all for now. I'll do a photo post soon, I promise.


Gow_spot said...

thank you for bloggin sweet friend.
amazing how much happens in one week!
can't wait to see the pix of your sassy cut!
and SUPER fun about Mel being watersafe! way to go mommy on making that a priority for her to learn!

soo cool about her coloring too... she must be like mommy... sooo cool!

i miss you.
wish you were road trippin here instead of tx.

have a great 4th.

Ava said...

I am so glad I found your blog...I've loved reading it! Your kiddos are beautiful!

JMBMOMMY said...

Enjoyed reading your blog tonight. I like how real you are. Most are too prideful to admit when they are down and confused about it. I also think it is great you are enjoying Christ. I have been learning so much lately about His Grace and How He doesn't want to just help us through life -- He wants to be our Life -- living through us. I am learning that my self-sufficienct approach to life is usually what leaves me feeling so empty and unsatisfied. I am on the journey and learning more and more how to REST in Him.