So, I wrote a post about depression and then fell off the face of the earth. The Laura picture was a big realization. I am depressed a lot of the time. After that post I spiraled down for a few days. The house fell apart. I was socially blank. I coexisted with the girls. A new cycle came and things brightened up. I slowly pulled things around me back to order. These slumps leave me exhausted. It's more of a mental exhaustion than anything else. My thoughts swirl:
"You're too hard on yourself."
"You're too easy on yourself."
"Don't think about it."
"Get a drug already."
"Exercise, exercise, exercise."
Here is what you've missed in the past couple of weeks:
• A short haircut for me. (Photo later.) I love it. Now I want to get some chunky blonde highlights.
• Melody is coloring like crazy. One Saturday she colored at the table for FOUR HOURS. We had had a crazy Friday the day before. I think she was decompressing. After the four hours of coloring, the slept for three hours. Why can't she do that on a weekday?!
• Leah eats more than I do every single day. She also sleeps through the night now. It feels so great to not be tired all the time. I get up with Chad in the mornings for breakfast again.
• I thought I might be pregnant last month. I made a vow to myself that if I wasn't I'd learn how to chart. We want more kids, but not now. I'm not pregnant. (I was 98% relieved and 2% sad.) I borrowed Taking Charge of Your Fertility and am reading it.
• Church has been awesome. When I'm sad, I feel so much closer to God. I guess this is because I need Him and I'm desperate for Him. It's good to want God and to experience Him as a comforter.
• Melody did swim lessons last week. She can now dog paddle! Seeing her paddle across the pool unassisted was a surprising thrill. It felt similar to the joy of seeing her walk for the first time.
That's all for now. I'll do a photo post soon, I promise.