Sometimes I get scared because time goes by so quickly.
I think, "Stop! Wait! I want to savor life. I need more years. More time for everything."

Other times I am exhausted by life.

Tired out by constantly caring about how I look. My hair. My stomach. My skin. And Tired of battling with Chad. "Why can't you understand me? Why can't you get me flowers for no reason? Why can't you be serious when I'm serious?"

I see elderly couples still in love. Sitting on a bench together with paper cups of coffee. Holding hands despite arthritis and wrinkles. Old men carrying the purse for their lady. Stripped down of pride, pretense, hypocrisy, busyness. When I see this kind of love I long for it. I want to be beautiful and lovely on the inside like these old people.

How do we get there now? How do we possess that peace, patience, brokeness, acceptance these old people have? Do we have to wait 40 years?

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