8/13/2003

New York City. Chicago. San Fransisco.
I wish I were in a big city today. I'd wear blue lipstick. I'd get my nose pierced with a tiny blue saphire. No one would notice. No one would care. Autonomy. To be invisible. Unnoticed. Surrounded by people, but left alone. These are appealing to me today.

Last night I wanted to get away. I went to Barnes and Noble. My goal was to forget I was in northwest Arkansas. I wrote in my coffee stained, ragged journal. The cloth cover was beautiful and crisp when the pages were blank. I like how worn it has become. I didn't want my time to end at B&N. I wanted to stay indefinitely, but as 10:00 rolled around I headed to my car. The parking lot was humid and still. The moon was golden with hazy clouds passing over it.

Here I am at work again...
I can look out the window and see a meadow, a winding fence, two large pine trees, green grass, and a distant horizon of trees. The scene usually soothes me, but today I feel trapped. I'd rather be in New York. Anyone wanna run away with me?

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