I had a good lunch with Shelley and Ellen today. Ellen and I got small McDonalds meals on the way to Shelley's house. Sadie was down for a nap the whole time we ate and chatted. Shelley's home felt crisp and comfy today. I was relaxed. We recounted the months following Sadie's arrival and how hard it was for Shelley. It seems she is "Finding Normal" after all this time.
My new Designer III position is kicking in. I've been given more assignments and responsibility lately. It's going pretty well, but I feel tired out. It's good though. I feel like I have purpose and recognition now. I'm happy about that. I found out today there are new decisions to make on the horizen regarding work. I could end up doing something entirely different soon. It is a scary, exciting, unsettling possibility. Just when I am finally happy with my job... things might change again. Maybe it'll be even better.
Sorry for all the sketchiness. I will elaborate more later.
3/24/2004
3/23/2004
karate
Chad and I have been going to karate classes for several months. It is something he has wanted to do since he was five. I, on the other hand, have never enjoyed Kung Fu movies. I always laugh when Patrick Swayze or Tom Cruise are pictured in a field under a tree moving their muscled arms through the air with an intense expression on their face as they practice their martial art moves.
We decided to do karate/kickboxing together. I've enjoyed the kickboxing very much. I feel better and am starting to look better, too. The karate is a struggle though. I have this problem with left & right. I've always struggled when giving people directions. I pause and think to myself, "Do they turn left or right?" The harder I think about it, the more clueless I am. I use my wedding ring for left reference daily. One time when I was in 6th grade my dad and I went for a bike ride together. We were flying down a large hill and he was behind me. He yelled, "Passing on the right!!" and promptly crashed into me as I swirved the wrong direction in order to get out of his way. We tumbled down the asphalt road scraping up our elbows, knees, and hips. He must have been angry, but he did yell or anything. He was a good dad like that.
Back to karate; Mr. Sensei/Teacher Man is very patient and kind, but I can tell it grates on him when I repeated use the wrong hand or leg for a move. It is embarrassing. I've always been a tall, lanky, uncoordinated, non-athletic, embarrassed sort of sport. It takes intense mental concentration to learn the foreign motions and ideas. I am not very good at it.
At the same time I enjoy the things I've learned. The 10 basic breaks, sparring, and stick fighting are fun now that I have the hang of it. I am divided about whether to stick with it. Part of me wants to quit and take up a artsy painting or pottery class instead. The other part of me enjoys learning something new with Chad. I am torn about which path to take.
We decided to do karate/kickboxing together. I've enjoyed the kickboxing very much. I feel better and am starting to look better, too. The karate is a struggle though. I have this problem with left & right. I've always struggled when giving people directions. I pause and think to myself, "Do they turn left or right?" The harder I think about it, the more clueless I am. I use my wedding ring for left reference daily. One time when I was in 6th grade my dad and I went for a bike ride together. We were flying down a large hill and he was behind me. He yelled, "Passing on the right!!" and promptly crashed into me as I swirved the wrong direction in order to get out of his way. We tumbled down the asphalt road scraping up our elbows, knees, and hips. He must have been angry, but he did yell or anything. He was a good dad like that.
Back to karate; Mr. Sensei/Teacher Man is very patient and kind, but I can tell it grates on him when I repeated use the wrong hand or leg for a move. It is embarrassing. I've always been a tall, lanky, uncoordinated, non-athletic, embarrassed sort of sport. It takes intense mental concentration to learn the foreign motions and ideas. I am not very good at it.
At the same time I enjoy the things I've learned. The 10 basic breaks, sparring, and stick fighting are fun now that I have the hang of it. I am divided about whether to stick with it. Part of me wants to quit and take up a artsy painting or pottery class instead. The other part of me enjoys learning something new with Chad. I am torn about which path to take.
3/22/2004
feeling anxious
Two people at my company had babies over the weekend. Both are boys. Both are healthy, perfect, and excitedly received into this world. There has been a joyful buzz around the office all day because of the news. I have mixed emotions inside. Part of me is happy happy happy. The other part is sad and anxious. When will it be my turn?
I try to enjoy these baby-free times. I know someday I'll be pulling my hair out while I remember the golden days of working, playing, and being free. But the tug on my heart is so strong. So deep and real.
Every task I do is connected to thoughts of family, children, and babies. I made my first beef stew on Saturday. It turned out wonderful. As I stirred the thick soup I daydreamed about making soups, cookies, breads & everything else for a housefull of kids. I dreamed of the kids not even realizing how yummy their mommy's food was until they went away to college.
Am I crazy?
I try to enjoy these baby-free times. I know someday I'll be pulling my hair out while I remember the golden days of working, playing, and being free. But the tug on my heart is so strong. So deep and real.
Every task I do is connected to thoughts of family, children, and babies. I made my first beef stew on Saturday. It turned out wonderful. As I stirred the thick soup I daydreamed about making soups, cookies, breads & everything else for a housefull of kids. I dreamed of the kids not even realizing how yummy their mommy's food was until they went away to college.
Am I crazy?
3/15/2004
orphans, singing, imagination
Saturday night I dreamed about the orphans in Africa. In the dream I brought a little girl home with me. I woke with vivid imagery of this child in my head. In church a couple hours later we sang a song I love. The chorus goes:
This is the One we have waited for.
This is the One we have waited for.
This is the One we have waited for.
This is our God.
It is talking about God, of course, but I sang it with different thoughts in mind. First I thought of the orphans singing it, regarding us adopting them. They were singing, "This is the family we have waited for." Then I thought of my own long-standing desire for a child. Someday I'll be able to say, "This is the one I have waited for." Tears streamed down my face as I had these thoughts about children, the future, and God. It was a sweet experience.
This is the One we have waited for.
This is the One we have waited for.
This is the One we have waited for.
This is our God.
It is talking about God, of course, but I sang it with different thoughts in mind. First I thought of the orphans singing it, regarding us adopting them. They were singing, "This is the family we have waited for." Then I thought of my own long-standing desire for a child. Someday I'll be able to say, "This is the one I have waited for." Tears streamed down my face as I had these thoughts about children, the future, and God. It was a sweet experience.
3/12/2004
my thoughts on the american dream
The United States is an amazing and wonderful place to live. I know this after visiting South America and Africa. We have so much here. Roads. Schools. Libraries. Hospitals. National Parks. Public Transportation. Postal System. Drinkable water. Technology in general. The list goes on and on. The question remains: The why are Americans unhappy? Why are we discontent? To others in the world we have everything we could ever ask for. When l look around at my friends, coworkers, & acquaintaces I see everyone striving for The American Dream. But what is this ambiguous thing? Some say it's being rich. (Which is a relative concept in itself.) Others think it's living in the mountains with a pond and a pet. And to some it's reaching the top of the corporate latter.
Most Christians reading an paragraph like this have an easy answer. God. God is what satisfies. Chad's former youth pastor answers questions like these the same way every time: Pray. Read your bible. Go to church. But what is the answer for those who pray, read the bible, go to church, but are still unhappy, unfulfilled, and discontent? Anyone?
Most Christians reading an paragraph like this have an easy answer. God. God is what satisfies. Chad's former youth pastor answers questions like these the same way every time: Pray. Read your bible. Go to church. But what is the answer for those who pray, read the bible, go to church, but are still unhappy, unfulfilled, and discontent? Anyone?
3/10/2004
3/09/2004
conversations all around
It is 8:45am.
There are three simotaneous conversations happening within 15 feet of my desk. I want to scream.
"Be quiet!"
"Wait until 10:00 to talk!"
"What's so funny?"
Sometimes I am the loud, happy one in the morning. Today I am tired. I worked all weekend; Saturday and Sunday. Today feels like a perpetual Thursday instead of a new Tuesday. I'm not happy. I'm not funny. I'm not silly. I'm irritable, sleepy, foggy-brained, annoyed and apathetic.
On a more positive note, my plants are doing well. The weather has warmed up and they are soaking up the sunlight from my office window. The sunlight is bouncing off the bright leaves of ivy. When I stare at the different colors of green, the surrounding conversations seem less abrasive. I will be looking at my plants a lot today.
There are three simotaneous conversations happening within 15 feet of my desk. I want to scream.
"Be quiet!"
"Wait until 10:00 to talk!"
"What's so funny?"
Sometimes I am the loud, happy one in the morning. Today I am tired. I worked all weekend; Saturday and Sunday. Today feels like a perpetual Thursday instead of a new Tuesday. I'm not happy. I'm not funny. I'm not silly. I'm irritable, sleepy, foggy-brained, annoyed and apathetic.
On a more positive note, my plants are doing well. The weather has warmed up and they are soaking up the sunlight from my office window. The sunlight is bouncing off the bright leaves of ivy. When I stare at the different colors of green, the surrounding conversations seem less abrasive. I will be looking at my plants a lot today.
3/05/2004
the package is on it's way
I am a procrastinator. I dislike this fact but it is true.
In October (5 months ago) I went to Vancouver. I was there with two friends. One friend, Brian, accidently left one of his purchases in my backpack. He had bought two cool wooden stamps for his wife, Anna. Upon returning home he asked me to mail them to him. I said, "Sure!" And then I put it off. I'd think about it every few days and kick myself. But then I'd put it off again. And again. A couple months passed. Brian emailed me and nicely asked if I'd mailed them yet. I felt lame. I said no, but that I'd do it immediately. Then I put it off again. What is my deal?! I don't know. I finally mailed the blasted trinkets today. They are on their way to Alaska as I type.
Brian, I am incredibly sorry for my dumbness. I cannot explain the reason for my delayed action. I hope Anna loves the stamps. :) I have not used my yet. Are you surprised?
In October (5 months ago) I went to Vancouver. I was there with two friends. One friend, Brian, accidently left one of his purchases in my backpack. He had bought two cool wooden stamps for his wife, Anna. Upon returning home he asked me to mail them to him. I said, "Sure!" And then I put it off. I'd think about it every few days and kick myself. But then I'd put it off again. And again. A couple months passed. Brian emailed me and nicely asked if I'd mailed them yet. I felt lame. I said no, but that I'd do it immediately. Then I put it off again. What is my deal?! I don't know. I finally mailed the blasted trinkets today. They are on their way to Alaska as I type.
Brian, I am incredibly sorry for my dumbness. I cannot explain the reason for my delayed action. I hope Anna loves the stamps. :) I have not used my yet. Are you surprised?
3/04/2004
contentment = blessing
This morning I had a breakthrough with my continual displeasure of making less than my coworkers. (See previous post.) This afternoon I met with my manager and guess what? I got a promotion and a raise!! I think God's timing is really interesting. I've been wrestling with comparing myself to others. The day I finally let go, it was taken care of. I keep smiling because of the irony.
I feel like celebrating! Maybe we'll go out to dinner. Or maybe we'll skip karate class. (I've been struggling with karate lately. My husband, on the other hand, is loving every second of it. I'll save this topic for a different day.) It is mildly difficult to be so happy about something that I can't TELL everyone about.
I feel like celebrating! Maybe we'll go out to dinner. Or maybe we'll skip karate class. (I've been struggling with karate lately. My husband, on the other hand, is loving every second of it. I'll save this topic for a different day.) It is mildly difficult to be so happy about something that I can't TELL everyone about.
content
What makes a person content?
I don't make as much money as a lot of my coworkers. I struggle with this on a regular basis. Yesterday I had a realization that money doens't make people content. This idea is everywhere, but it really hit me. I looked around at the people I work with and realized the ones who make more are not happier. Their lives aren't easier. They feel underpaid like I do. In a lot of cases they are MORE stressed out with their finances.
I want to defy this standard. I want to be content with what I have now. I feel motivated to tackle this obstacle whole-heartedly. How do I keep myself from sliding back down into the I-deserve-more-mode? Any suggestions?
I don't make as much money as a lot of my coworkers. I struggle with this on a regular basis. Yesterday I had a realization that money doens't make people content. This idea is everywhere, but it really hit me. I looked around at the people I work with and realized the ones who make more are not happier. Their lives aren't easier. They feel underpaid like I do. In a lot of cases they are MORE stressed out with their finances.
I want to defy this standard. I want to be content with what I have now. I feel motivated to tackle this obstacle whole-heartedly. How do I keep myself from sliding back down into the I-deserve-more-mode? Any suggestions?
2/27/2004
friday 5:00
Ahhh... the joys of the weekend. It is the very beginning of mine. I am still at work, finally finished with a hectic assignment that has bombarded me with glitter glue, tiny beads, 12 gauge wire, black grommets, funky yarn, paper samples, and an array of other overseas greeting card items. Mockup after mockup resulted in an achy back, sore eyes, and sticky glue-covered fingers.
And now it is the weekend!
I am happy. :)
I hope everyone has a great one.
And now it is the weekend!
I am happy. :)
I hope everyone has a great one.
2/26/2004
work is crazy
Things at work are nuts. My computer is down so I'm a nomad in the office, using a different computer each hour. I'm close to tears because of the stress and also thriving on the adrenaline. Weird combo, I know.
I annoyed with myself for writing about something as boring as work, but I'm here 40 hours a week, so it's a huge part of my life. Here are things I like about my job:
1. designing - I'm good at it.
2. friends - I have a handful of awesome girlfriends here.
3. conversing - I love bouncing questions off my coworkers.
4. food - There is always something yummy to eat.
5. prayer - If I'm in crisis I can ask someone to pray for me. (I work at a Christian company.)
6. laughing - Funny things happen often.
7. paycheck - It's not big, but it's something.
8. lunches out - It's usually McDonalds.
9. good bosses - They listen and care.
10.fridays - We have snacks and wear jeans.
I annoyed with myself for writing about something as boring as work, but I'm here 40 hours a week, so it's a huge part of my life. Here are things I like about my job:
1. designing - I'm good at it.
2. friends - I have a handful of awesome girlfriends here.
3. conversing - I love bouncing questions off my coworkers.
4. food - There is always something yummy to eat.
5. prayer - If I'm in crisis I can ask someone to pray for me. (I work at a Christian company.)
6. laughing - Funny things happen often.
7. paycheck - It's not big, but it's something.
8. lunches out - It's usually McDonalds.
9. good bosses - They listen and care.
10.fridays - We have snacks and wear jeans.
2/25/2004
land & trees
Chad and I are considering buying some land on the outskirts of town with the intent of building a little house and staying in this area longterm. The land is 11 acres of creek front property. It is wooded with two clear hill tops. There are huge trees all over: oak, cedar, pine, and eucalyptus. Two years ago we moved into our current home... a house in a newer cookie cutter neighborhood. There are NO trees. Since living in the treeless neighborhood I find myself coveting them. I think, "That tree would be perfect in our front yard." Funny how one misses what she doesn't have.
We don't know what buying land entails. We're checking it out this week. We have a nervous/excited feeling about the possibility. Could it really happen? I'll let you know! :)
We don't know what buying land entails. We're checking it out this week. We have a nervous/excited feeling about the possibility. Could it really happen? I'll let you know! :)
2/24/2004
uganda massacre
Last Saturday there was a massacre in northern Uganda. The LRA (Lord's Resistance Army) attacked a village of 4000 people. Mud homes were burned. People either burned inside the homes or were shot as they fled. The event occurred 100 miles from where Chad and I visited last month. 200 people were killed. I do not understand the politics behind these events. Reading about it is confusing. I want to understand but I can only read articles for a short time before I get consumed with sickness, sadness, and anger. After reading for 20 minutes yesterday I went to the bathroom and sobbed for the people who were killed and hurt. It was different from the tears I shed for myself when I am depressed or emotional. These tears were full of questions and helplessness.
I knew our trip to Africa would change me. Before we left I had a hint of knowledge of the ongoing conflicts that have afflicted the continent for centuries. I embarked on our trip knowing my eyes would be opened. Now that it is happening I am not able to turn away. I want to know more. If nothing else, at least to be aware. It hurts me, but it feels right to learn about their struggles. Maybe somehow I will find a way to help just a little bit.
I knew our trip to Africa would change me. Before we left I had a hint of knowledge of the ongoing conflicts that have afflicted the continent for centuries. I embarked on our trip knowing my eyes would be opened. Now that it is happening I am not able to turn away. I want to know more. If nothing else, at least to be aware. It hurts me, but it feels right to learn about their struggles. Maybe somehow I will find a way to help just a little bit.
2/23/2004
yes, i am still here
After weeks of not posting, I am back.
Many things have happened since the last entry.
It is hard to know how to catch up.
Where to begin?
Chad and I went to Africa!! We were away for 18 days. We traveled with two college friends, Dan and Jason. The first week was spent in Cairo, Eygpt. We ate kosheri, crossed the streets (a major feat in a city of 17 million with no crosswalks), saw the pyramids, experienced a night time boat ride on the Nile, and attempted to learn some Arabic.
The second week was spent in Uganda at an orphanage for Sudanese refugees. Before the trip I knew nothing of the civil war in Sudan. Meeting the refugees, hearing their songs, seeing their eyes, listening to their stories of war, seeing their faith in Jesus... it was an incredible learning experience. The children at the orphanage sang many songs for us. One song was about the war. They sang with all their hearts about their homeland being destroyed and their parents being killed.
One little girl peirced my heart. Tears streamed down her face as she sung about these things. She is eight years old, bald from malnutrition, the size of a 6 year old, with the most beautiful face I've ever seen. On our long trip home I thought about this child, my favorite. I thought about bringing her with us, back to the USA. I tried to think the way she would. New things to her eyes would include: paved road, toilet, airplane, elevator, Burger King, Toyota Tundra, garbage disposal, fish tank, dog food, fire place, mailbox, vitamins, carwash, computer, and on and on and on.
???
I've been home for six weeks. I'm still reconciling the things I experienced. Our path has changed. Before we were set to leave this country and live abroad as missionaries. Chad's desire was to build for others. To help them. Now we wonder if we're supposed to stay and continue to make money and support others with it. The cooks at the orphanage make $13 a month; think of how far our money could go!!
I also keep thinking about the kids. Adoption is a subject we've always considered. What would it be like to raise an African child in Arkansas? Yikes. I don't know.
Many things have happened since the last entry.
It is hard to know how to catch up.
Where to begin?
Chad and I went to Africa!! We were away for 18 days. We traveled with two college friends, Dan and Jason. The first week was spent in Cairo, Eygpt. We ate kosheri, crossed the streets (a major feat in a city of 17 million with no crosswalks), saw the pyramids, experienced a night time boat ride on the Nile, and attempted to learn some Arabic.
The second week was spent in Uganda at an orphanage for Sudanese refugees. Before the trip I knew nothing of the civil war in Sudan. Meeting the refugees, hearing their songs, seeing their eyes, listening to their stories of war, seeing their faith in Jesus... it was an incredible learning experience. The children at the orphanage sang many songs for us. One song was about the war. They sang with all their hearts about their homeland being destroyed and their parents being killed.
One little girl peirced my heart. Tears streamed down her face as she sung about these things. She is eight years old, bald from malnutrition, the size of a 6 year old, with the most beautiful face I've ever seen. On our long trip home I thought about this child, my favorite. I thought about bringing her with us, back to the USA. I tried to think the way she would. New things to her eyes would include: paved road, toilet, airplane, elevator, Burger King, Toyota Tundra, garbage disposal, fish tank, dog food, fire place, mailbox, vitamins, carwash, computer, and on and on and on.
???
I've been home for six weeks. I'm still reconciling the things I experienced. Our path has changed. Before we were set to leave this country and live abroad as missionaries. Chad's desire was to build for others. To help them. Now we wonder if we're supposed to stay and continue to make money and support others with it. The cooks at the orphanage make $13 a month; think of how far our money could go!!
I also keep thinking about the kids. Adoption is a subject we've always considered. What would it be like to raise an African child in Arkansas? Yikes. I don't know.
12/02/2003
kickboxing, laura, my class
Chad and I starting kickboxing last week. I'm excited that we've found something we enjoy doing together in the form of exercise. In the past we've run together. I have a love/hate relationship with running. I hate doing it but I love the way it makes me feel when I'm done. I am pleasantly sore from our kickboxing ventures. The class is small and nonthreatening. The teacher is competent and fun. The price is feasible. I am looking forward to working on my flexibility and strength.
Laura is visiting from Ecuador. When she is here things are upsidedown. We stay up late and put everything on the back burner. She is one of our closest friends in this world. We went to college together and share an extensive amount of memories. She does mission work in Quito, Ecuador. Seeing her is encouraging, fun, relaxing, and a comfort. She loves Jesus more than most people I know. Her close relationship with Him is contagious. It reminds me of days past when I was more excited about my relationship with God. We had coffee and muffins at my favorite coffee shop this morning. We sat on a leather couch, sipped our hot drinks, laughed, and talked deep. I am blessed by our friendship.
Two more classes and I am finished with the semester. Teaching has been harder than I thought it would be. It has been a huge stressor. It has reminded of how to enjoy my free time. I will not teach again next semester, but I will begin volunteering in the nursery at church. Maybe helping with the babies will help me with my baby craziness. Or maybe not.
Laura is visiting from Ecuador. When she is here things are upsidedown. We stay up late and put everything on the back burner. She is one of our closest friends in this world. We went to college together and share an extensive amount of memories. She does mission work in Quito, Ecuador. Seeing her is encouraging, fun, relaxing, and a comfort. She loves Jesus more than most people I know. Her close relationship with Him is contagious. It reminds me of days past when I was more excited about my relationship with God. We had coffee and muffins at my favorite coffee shop this morning. We sat on a leather couch, sipped our hot drinks, laughed, and talked deep. I am blessed by our friendship.
Two more classes and I am finished with the semester. Teaching has been harder than I thought it would be. It has been a huge stressor. It has reminded of how to enjoy my free time. I will not teach again next semester, but I will begin volunteering in the nursery at church. Maybe helping with the babies will help me with my baby craziness. Or maybe not.
11/26/2003
broken car
I am at my husband's office this morning. We left my car in the parking lot last night, for logistical reasons. This morning it would not start. Thankfully two of Chad's coworkers are mechanics on the side. They diagnosed the problem in 10 minutes. They laughed in disbelief as they looked at my poor car's rusty spark plugs. Chad felt dumb. He isn't extremely mechanically inclined but he knows about spark plugs. We should have had them changed multiple times! This explains why my car has had NO power lately. It is an '87 Honda Accord, previously owned by my grandma. Poor little car.
We leave for Thanksgiving this afternoon. We'll spend the long weekend I Illinois with Chad's family. It will be an interesting holiday. His parents are in the midst of a divorce after being married for 27 years. We are hoping the time at home will be one of bonding through the diffucult circumstances. Chad has three younger siblings ranging in age from 17 to 21. We are looking forward to being with them and with his mom.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!
We leave for Thanksgiving this afternoon. We'll spend the long weekend I Illinois with Chad's family. It will be an interesting holiday. His parents are in the midst of a divorce after being married for 27 years. We are hoping the time at home will be one of bonding through the diffucult circumstances. Chad has three younger siblings ranging in age from 17 to 21. We are looking forward to being with them and with his mom.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!
11/20/2003
down
I've been down lately. I've gone on two great business trips in the past 4 weeks. One to Vancouver and one to Dallas. They throw me into a tail spin. When I'm at home I focus on working toward being debt free. I enjoy home, cooking, and being domestic. These trips make a different part of me come alive. I love the world of design -- researching, shopping, talking. I love the cities. They wake up dorment dreams of living in a skyrise, walking everywhere, eating sushi, working at a prestigous design firm. Then I come back to Arkansas. Being married to Chad has changed my life path. I love being his wife, but the past dreams haunt me sometimes. I miss them.
Also, Chad and I are in a low spell right now. It happens from time to time. We don't have much to talk about. I wonder if he is sad on the inside and doesn't realize it. (His parents are in the midst of a divorce.) Life flies by and we keep surviving. We don't fight, but we don't really love either. It makes me sad. But I know it will pass. It always does. Sometimes I worry, "What if this dry spell lasts for a YEAR?"
The other thing is my constant struggle with wanting a baby. I see other women with their pregnant bellies and my heart flips over. I do not understand this longing. It is as strong as a tidal wave. It makes me ask questions like, "If I don't have a baby soon, will it be too late?" It is the only issue that Chad and I are not like-minded about. I've come to terms with it multiple times, surrendering it over and over, and finding peace again and again. I am sad because Chad isn't able to listen to my feelings on the issue without getting stressed out. He thinks he needs to fix the problem, but I only want him to listen.
There are many reasons to be thankful but I am still sad.
Also, Chad and I are in a low spell right now. It happens from time to time. We don't have much to talk about. I wonder if he is sad on the inside and doesn't realize it. (His parents are in the midst of a divorce.) Life flies by and we keep surviving. We don't fight, but we don't really love either. It makes me sad. But I know it will pass. It always does. Sometimes I worry, "What if this dry spell lasts for a YEAR?"
The other thing is my constant struggle with wanting a baby. I see other women with their pregnant bellies and my heart flips over. I do not understand this longing. It is as strong as a tidal wave. It makes me ask questions like, "If I don't have a baby soon, will it be too late?" It is the only issue that Chad and I are not like-minded about. I've come to terms with it multiple times, surrendering it over and over, and finding peace again and again. I am sad because Chad isn't able to listen to my feelings on the issue without getting stressed out. He thinks he needs to fix the problem, but I only want him to listen.
There are many reasons to be thankful but I am still sad.
11/10/2003
nearly perfect weekend
Don't you just love it when you have a great weekend? Chad and I got along really well all three days. It was so nice. We were on the same page, the same wave length, and the same mindset.
We camped with friends, Casey & Traci, Saturday night. I smoked my Cohiba birthday present from July. I'd been saving it for an occasion like camping or the drive-in because it was a long smoke. It was great. We made hobos in the fire. The boys shot their guns. The rain waited until we were safe and asleep in the tent. We stayed dry.
We rushed home Sunday morning in order to be able to go to church. Usually I'm totally okay with skipping church. Not many people have heard me say, "Oh, I can't do that because I don't want to miss church." Lately it has been different. I've been LOVING church. It is filling a hunger in me that I gave up on being filled a long time ago. We sang loud and strong and eagerly listened to our favorite speaker give the message. We left feeling high and in harmony with each other. We ate lunch at our local mexican standby. As we munched on chips and salsa we talked excitedly about what heaven will be like someday. This earth is not our home. It was good to be reminded of that.
Dinner was McDonalds, a rented movie, and homemade white russians. The cat was in an affectionate mood. She kept me warm. Chad and I laughed at the silly movie. Even though it was a dudd, we had fun together. I feel lucky that we found each other. Not just lucky... thankful, happy, and blessed too.
We camped with friends, Casey & Traci, Saturday night. I smoked my Cohiba birthday present from July. I'd been saving it for an occasion like camping or the drive-in because it was a long smoke. It was great. We made hobos in the fire. The boys shot their guns. The rain waited until we were safe and asleep in the tent. We stayed dry.
We rushed home Sunday morning in order to be able to go to church. Usually I'm totally okay with skipping church. Not many people have heard me say, "Oh, I can't do that because I don't want to miss church." Lately it has been different. I've been LOVING church. It is filling a hunger in me that I gave up on being filled a long time ago. We sang loud and strong and eagerly listened to our favorite speaker give the message. We left feeling high and in harmony with each other. We ate lunch at our local mexican standby. As we munched on chips and salsa we talked excitedly about what heaven will be like someday. This earth is not our home. It was good to be reminded of that.
Dinner was McDonalds, a rented movie, and homemade white russians. The cat was in an affectionate mood. She kept me warm. Chad and I laughed at the silly movie. Even though it was a dudd, we had fun together. I feel lucky that we found each other. Not just lucky... thankful, happy, and blessed too.
11/06/2003
matrix revolutions
I went to my first opening night movie last night. Matrix Revolutions. I bought tickets from a coworker. Chad and I have a terrible track record with movie theater experiences. We rarely go because it feels so expensive. (We're renters.) When we do go we end up arriving to the theater with seconds to spare. Last night was no exception. We were doing okay until we got about a mile from the theater. Traffic was backed up onto the highway. We sat waiting and tried not to freak out.
We finally arrived to the theater at 6:55 for our 7 o'clock showing. We rushed into the theater wondering if we'd be able to find two seats together. As we walked up and down the stairs straining to see the seats, we saw several people we knew. They waved excitedly to us. There were no extra seats near them. Finally we gave up and retreated to the dreaded front row. I struggled against my instinct to pout, complain, and sigh. Chad wasn't happy either. (He handles these types of situations better than me though.) As we settled into our seats directly under the huge screen we heard someone yelling our last name. We turned around to see our friends waving at us. They had scooted over, and made room for us. We jumped up like little kids and happily plopped down next to them. The seats were in the middle of the room! :)
The movie was okay. I definitely liked the first two better. Why is it that sequels have such a hard time measuring up to the original movie? It was fun to be in an opening night crowd. Everyone was quick to laugh and and react. I expecting clapping at the end, but it didn't happen. Maybe everyone else was slightly disappointed as well.
We finally arrived to the theater at 6:55 for our 7 o'clock showing. We rushed into the theater wondering if we'd be able to find two seats together. As we walked up and down the stairs straining to see the seats, we saw several people we knew. They waved excitedly to us. There were no extra seats near them. Finally we gave up and retreated to the dreaded front row. I struggled against my instinct to pout, complain, and sigh. Chad wasn't happy either. (He handles these types of situations better than me though.) As we settled into our seats directly under the huge screen we heard someone yelling our last name. We turned around to see our friends waving at us. They had scooted over, and made room for us. We jumped up like little kids and happily plopped down next to them. The seats were in the middle of the room! :)
The movie was okay. I definitely liked the first two better. Why is it that sequels have such a hard time measuring up to the original movie? It was fun to be in an opening night crowd. Everyone was quick to laugh and and react. I expecting clapping at the end, but it didn't happen. Maybe everyone else was slightly disappointed as well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)