I am experiencing heartburn these days. The due date is less than six weeks away; the heartburn started about two weeks ago. I've never experienced anything like it. No wonder there is a whole aisle dedicated to antacids and over-the-counter drugs for sufferers of heartburn. It is horrible!!
It usually hits me in the afternoon and crescendos into full blown torture by the time I try to fall asleep at night. I've tried avoiding carbonation, walking, eating small meals, and drinking water. Sometimes these things seem to help and other times they make no difference. Every once in awhile I'll have a heartburn-free day and I cannot figure out the reason. I hope this pregnancy symptom goes away as soon as the baby is born!
If anyone know of tricks to calm the pressure in my upper chest, let me know! So far I've been using Tums every now and then. They help a little.
11/30/2004
11/29/2004
thanksgiving
We had a good Thanksgiving trip. The first two days were spent with my mom's side of the family. Each year they rent a church camp. The females and babies get one of the bunk bed rooms and the men/boys get another. We each bring the makings for our favorite side dish and aunt Julie makes the turkey. There is an annual football game between cousins, uncles, and spouses. We also had a ping-pong tournament which Chad won.
My cousin Amy and I got along for the first time in our lives. She is four years older than me. In previous years there has always been tension between us. It was never addressed, but always present. This time we clicked and chatted amiably. She has two young kids. I think the fact that I'm about to become a mother is the reason we clicked. For the first time we have something in common. She shared well-received advice, funny stories, and mother wisdom. Our pleasant time together was a long time coming and I am happy about it. Grandma would be happy too.
The second half of the trip was spent with my Uncle Jerry; my dad's brother. Uncle Jerry has always been a family favorite. Everyone loves him. He is easy going, nonjudgemental, and lots of fun. Jerry, dad, brother, and Chad played lots of poker. We ate gobs of blue bell ice cream (cookies and cream), had large/late breakfasts, watched satelite television, and didn't leave the house for two full days. It was relaxing.
Uncle Jerry and I reminisced about the days when I was a little girl. He'd visit us in Fort Worth and give me a quarter. We'd walk to the corner 7-11 gas station so I could spent the money. He says it took me a long time to decide what to buy. He patiently waited while my little mind worked through the vast candy choices. Good ole Uncle Jerry.
My cousin Amy and I got along for the first time in our lives. She is four years older than me. In previous years there has always been tension between us. It was never addressed, but always present. This time we clicked and chatted amiably. She has two young kids. I think the fact that I'm about to become a mother is the reason we clicked. For the first time we have something in common. She shared well-received advice, funny stories, and mother wisdom. Our pleasant time together was a long time coming and I am happy about it. Grandma would be happy too.
The second half of the trip was spent with my Uncle Jerry; my dad's brother. Uncle Jerry has always been a family favorite. Everyone loves him. He is easy going, nonjudgemental, and lots of fun. Jerry, dad, brother, and Chad played lots of poker. We ate gobs of blue bell ice cream (cookies and cream), had large/late breakfasts, watched satelite television, and didn't leave the house for two full days. It was relaxing.
Uncle Jerry and I reminisced about the days when I was a little girl. He'd visit us in Fort Worth and give me a quarter. We'd walk to the corner 7-11 gas station so I could spent the money. He says it took me a long time to decide what to buy. He patiently waited while my little mind worked through the vast candy choices. Good ole Uncle Jerry.
11/23/2004
that time of year
I've been in the mood to decorate for Christmas for the past week. I lugged 4 rubbermaid containers from the garage into the living room. They are full of lights, ornaments, candle holders, tree accessories, and trinkets. I arranged a group of white candles on our mantle. They are leftover from our wedding. (Which was four years ago!) Each evening I light them and enjoy the glowy light. I've started playing Christmas music and drinking hot tea with lots of honey.
Earlier in the pregnancy I didn't know if I'd be excited for the holidays this year. I thought it might be better to skip them. As the days got shorter and holiday baking items appeared on store shelves I found myself excited for the holiday season again. I love this time of year.
Part of me hopes little Melody is born this year. I want to put her in a soft red velvet stocking and take her picture!! I'm trying not to get my hopes up for her to arrive early though. Many first time pregnancies go past the due date. I don't want to flip out when January 9th comes and goes and I am lumbering around, as big as a house, putting away Christmas decorations.
Earlier in the pregnancy I didn't know if I'd be excited for the holidays this year. I thought it might be better to skip them. As the days got shorter and holiday baking items appeared on store shelves I found myself excited for the holiday season again. I love this time of year.
Part of me hopes little Melody is born this year. I want to put her in a soft red velvet stocking and take her picture!! I'm trying not to get my hopes up for her to arrive early though. Many first time pregnancies go past the due date. I don't want to flip out when January 9th comes and goes and I am lumbering around, as big as a house, putting away Christmas decorations.
11/22/2004
all mixed up
We have seven weeks until the baby is due. I am a ball of excitement, stress, emotion, joy, stife, tears, laughter, on and on. A couple nights ago Chad and I were hanging out with three close friends. We were having a low-key happy time together. Something funny was said and I started laughing. Soon tears were filling my eyes and before I knew it I wasn't laughing anymore. Instead I was crying. Chad and our friends exchanged confused looks. I buried my face in a couch pillow and tried to regain my composure. It took awhile. I felt like a toddler who had missed her nap. Everything was simply too much for me. Soon after the emotional outburst, I assured my friends that I was okay and headed home to go to bed early. I wish I had made my exit thirty minutes before. Thankfully I have very cool friends and we will laugh about the incident in the future.
11/19/2004
long awaited bowl
Over a year ago I posted an entry about a blue bowl. (See September 2003 posts.) I broke a favorite antique family bowl. Since the incident I've been scanning shelves at flea markets looking for a replacement. No luck. Today I arrived at work to find a wrapped gift sitting in front of the keyboard on my desk. The card said, "to Rebecca." This baffled me because my name is spelled "Rebekah." I assumed it was a baby gift, but could not figure out who would give me a gift yet not know the spelling of my name.
I opened the card and glanced at the name at the bottom of the note. It was from a girl that I barely know!!! She is a friend of a friend, a slight acquaintance. She's one of those people who I knew of, but I was not sure if she even knew who I was. I guess she knows me, too! Her note said that she reads my blog from time to time. She remembered my blue bowl story so when she found the small blue bowl at a flea market she bought it for me!!!!
I am a gift person. I love buying gifts for people. Rarely do I receive something so perfect as this morning -- this aquaintance must be made of the same gift/giving/receiving material of which I'm made. I felt a kindred spark as I read her note and tore the yellow pokka dot paper from the worn blue bowl. It was a wonderful way to start a Friday morning.
T H A N K Y O U H E I D I ! ! !
I opened the card and glanced at the name at the bottom of the note. It was from a girl that I barely know!!! She is a friend of a friend, a slight acquaintance. She's one of those people who I knew of, but I was not sure if she even knew who I was. I guess she knows me, too! Her note said that she reads my blog from time to time. She remembered my blue bowl story so when she found the small blue bowl at a flea market she bought it for me!!!!
I am a gift person. I love buying gifts for people. Rarely do I receive something so perfect as this morning -- this aquaintance must be made of the same gift/giving/receiving material of which I'm made. I felt a kindred spark as I read her note and tore the yellow pokka dot paper from the worn blue bowl. It was a wonderful way to start a Friday morning.
T H A N K Y O U H E I D I ! ! !
9/10/2004
unexpected disappointment
I am truly happy about having a girl now. It took me a day or two to get to this point. After the ultrasound I was surprisingly baffled and sad. Chad and I went to a small town diner for breakfast after the appointment. As we waited for our food a family of three sat down at a nearby table. They had a 2 year old boy. My heart sank as I realized I wasn't having a boy. Later that evening my mom and I went shopping for baby clothes. As I sifted through the clearance rack I paused at each boy outfit with a sigh.
Two years ago my heart was set on having a girl. Then something happened and the idea of a baby boy became endearing. When I found out I was pregnant my instincts told me it was a boy. As an ENFP I trust my intuition a lot. It usually proves correct. I rationally understood that the baby might be a girl, but I purchased boy items and pictured a blue baby room. We settled on a boy name. (Logan Hunter.) When the ultrasound-lady told us it was most-likely a girl (she was 90% sure), I was surprised and numb.
I've gone through a mild process of grief to accept that this baby is not a boy. I am elated to have a girl, but also sad for the boy that will not be. I did not expect these feelings to be part of finding out the sex of the baby. I thought I'd be joyful just like I was the day I found out about the pregnancy. Instead I've had to process my feelings and thoughts to get to that excited place.
Now I'm ready to think GIRL. We've settled on the name Melody. For middles names we're thinking about Leah, Kate, and Raine. (Any opinions of these are welcome! I like hearing people's thoughts.) I've also been brainstorming about the nursery. I think we'll still do a blue & green theme with small doses of pink here and there. We'll paint the walls a pastel aqua color. I plan to paint large pokka dots on one wall with a gloss version of the same color. Another wall will get wide stripes.
It's been a weird week. I'm thankful we found out the sex of the baby now, rather than waiting; this way I feel more emotionally prepared than I would otherwise. Of course, there is still small chance it could be a boy... when I start thinking about that I get all weird again.
Two years ago my heart was set on having a girl. Then something happened and the idea of a baby boy became endearing. When I found out I was pregnant my instincts told me it was a boy. As an ENFP I trust my intuition a lot. It usually proves correct. I rationally understood that the baby might be a girl, but I purchased boy items and pictured a blue baby room. We settled on a boy name. (Logan Hunter.) When the ultrasound-lady told us it was most-likely a girl (she was 90% sure), I was surprised and numb.
I've gone through a mild process of grief to accept that this baby is not a boy. I am elated to have a girl, but also sad for the boy that will not be. I did not expect these feelings to be part of finding out the sex of the baby. I thought I'd be joyful just like I was the day I found out about the pregnancy. Instead I've had to process my feelings and thoughts to get to that excited place.
Now I'm ready to think GIRL. We've settled on the name Melody. For middles names we're thinking about Leah, Kate, and Raine. (Any opinions of these are welcome! I like hearing people's thoughts.) I've also been brainstorming about the nursery. I think we'll still do a blue & green theme with small doses of pink here and there. We'll paint the walls a pastel aqua color. I plan to paint large pokka dots on one wall with a gloss version of the same color. Another wall will get wide stripes.
It's been a weird week. I'm thankful we found out the sex of the baby now, rather than waiting; this way I feel more emotionally prepared than I would otherwise. Of course, there is still small chance it could be a boy... when I start thinking about that I get all weird again.
9/08/2004
IT'S A GIRL!!!
Chad and I went to our ultrasound appointment this morning. The nurse said there is a 90% chance we're having a girl!!!! We are very happy. We have no preference for a particular gender, but all along I had a feeling it was a boy. When the nurse said "girl" I was surprised. It took me all day to get used to the idea of a girl. I've shared the news with my coworkers and family. Everyone squeals and hugs with joy. It is wonderful to have support and excitement around me.
The nurse said the baby measured big so my due date might change to Christmas day instead of January 9th. I would feel better about that because I've already gained 20 pounds! I'm starting to get uncomfortable. I have shooting aches along one side of my back and hip. Sleeping is getting difficult. I was a monster this morning. The idea of being two week further along makes me feel a little better. I am beginning to get antsy about the approaching 3rd trimester. I am also feeling joy and anticipation that makes the hard stuff worthwhile.
The nurse said the baby measured big so my due date might change to Christmas day instead of January 9th. I would feel better about that because I've already gained 20 pounds! I'm starting to get uncomfortable. I have shooting aches along one side of my back and hip. Sleeping is getting difficult. I was a monster this morning. The idea of being two week further along makes me feel a little better. I am beginning to get antsy about the approaching 3rd trimester. I am also feeling joy and anticipation that makes the hard stuff worthwhile.
8/31/2004
general happiness
I'm enjoying life these days. Being at home is one of my new favorite things. I used to be very social. I would make plans with people for nearly every night of the week. The weekends were full of company, meals with others, and talking on the phone. These days I'm different. I'm content to be at home alone. Chad traveled to Chicago last weekend and I soaked up the solitude like never before. In days past I would have filled my days with people, people, people. Instead I shopped alone, ate out alone, cleaned house alone, watched chick-flicks alone, planted mums alone and enjoyed every second of it. I even went to church alone! Before I would have never done that because I hated going to church by myself. Maybe the change is due to the sqirming life inside of me. I feel the baby moving about every 30 minutes! Or maybe I'm cherishing this alone time because in 4 short months I will have a baby to care for with minimal breaks. All I know is that solitude is my new best friend.
8/25/2004
halfway
I had another doctor appointment today. We did the usual. Weigh in. Pee in a cup. Blood pressure. Doppler (heartbeat). Any questions? It was a fast appointment. The baby's heartbeat is stronger than it was last time. It goes swoosh-swoosh-swoosh. Chad and I smiled at each other as we listened to our baby's heart beating.I tried hard not to laugh with glee as I listened to it. Laughing causes static which overruns the swooshing.
We'll have an ultrasound in two weeks. If the baby cooperates we'll find out if it's a boy or girl. I'm ready to know!
We'll have an ultrasound in two weeks. If the baby cooperates we'll find out if it's a boy or girl. I'm ready to know!
8/24/2004
little legs kicking
I'm feeling the baby move everyday now. I read last night that it's legs are the size of an adult little finger. No wonder the kicks are faint and fast! The book also said the baby kicks an average of 1000 times in a twenty-four hour period. I wonder how they know that? I guess the baby is working hard in order to grow muscles. Go baby go!
8/16/2004
a productive weekend
Chad and I had a productive weekend. The biggest accomplishment made was a 10 foot picket fence across the edge of our front porch. Now that it is finished, it looks like a simple project; but it took us an entire Sunday afternoon to do. Chad made sure all the edges were flush and square. He cut 45 degree angles at the top of each picket to make a more 'finished look.' I like his attention to detail. We are pleased with the result. I'm excited to paint it white this week. I envision some homemade flower boxes along the top of the fence with springtime tulips. Maybe red ones. Do tulips do well in flower boxes? I don't recall seeing them that way.
In other news, I felt the baby move yesterday for the first time!!! I was laying in bed after a nap. I was relaxed and on my side. All of the sudden I felt a strong, faint, quick, flick. I think it was a kick? I smiled broadly and continued to lay there for 20 more minutes hoping to feel another movement. It feels even more real now. We will find out in 5 weeks if it's a boy or girl. Last night I dreamed we had a girl. All my other instincts say it's a boy.
In other news, I felt the baby move yesterday for the first time!!! I was laying in bed after a nap. I was relaxed and on my side. All of the sudden I felt a strong, faint, quick, flick. I think it was a kick? I smiled broadly and continued to lay there for 20 more minutes hoping to feel another movement. It feels even more real now. We will find out in 5 weeks if it's a boy or girl. Last night I dreamed we had a girl. All my other instincts say it's a boy.
8/04/2004
to buy or not to buy
I have a confession. I am in love the Baby Gap clothes. I can browse their store with no concept of time, thumbing through the adorable prints and soft items. I get squealy when I see the tiny cargo pockets on the boy things and the delicate feminine trim on the girl things. I have not purchased a lot of baby clothes yet. I have a 25% off voucher for the Baby Gap for this weekend. I'm ready to go buy the whole store! My question is, how much stuff does a newborn really need? How many onsies will I need each day? Any advice of experienced moms out there is welcome!
8/03/2004
better again
Well, the roller coaster continues and today I'm feeling better again. I'm very thankful that the overwhelmed-freakout-days only last for 24 hours. I was able to sleep last night and I woke up feeling much lighter. Part of the solution was probably the fact that I worked my bootie off in kickboxing last night. I'm convinced my stress level increases when I don't exercise. Side kicks are getting very difficult now that my belly is bigger. My balance and flexibility are going down the drain fast. Soon I'll be on the back row with the old people in the class. One guy is in his 60s and has had a knee replacement surgery. He's endearingly cute with his large black boxing gloves and skinny old man legs. He kicks only 6 inches off the ground and cracks jokes the entire hour. As long as I keep doing something I figure I'm better off than just sitting on the couch.
8/02/2004
overwhelmed again
This pregnancy thing has me second guessing myself every other day. One day I feel on top of the world. The next day I am anxious, scared and full of questions. Yesterday was one of the bad days and it is overlapping into today. I feel stressed out about how to have this baby. Pros and cons of a hospital birth vs a home birth swirl in my head. I never thought I'd consider doing a home birth with a midwife, but the more I learn, the better it sounds. And yet, what if something goes wrong? I'd never be able to forgive myself.
I'm also worried about work. I try to take things one day at a time, but inevitably there are days when I want to throw up my hands and give up. "This is too much!" I think to myself. Then the next day I have a great time and I say to myself, "Wow. I love my job."
I guess I'm on the pregnancy roller coaster everyone talks about.
I'm also worried about work. I try to take things one day at a time, but inevitably there are days when I want to throw up my hands and give up. "This is too much!" I think to myself. Then the next day I have a great time and I say to myself, "Wow. I love my job."
I guess I'm on the pregnancy roller coaster everyone talks about.
7/26/2004
weekend of progress
Chad and I had an unusual weekend. Usually we spend lots of time with other people. Sometimes we do things with our friends individually; many times we hang out with other couples or several people at a time. This past weekend we didn't do anything with anyone. We spend the entire weekend with just each other. We didn't plan it that way. It just happened.
Friday I had big aspirations to cook enchiladas for dinner. I went to a chiropartor (for the first time) after work. The treatment made me feel like jello and I lost my desire to cook. We ended up at Abuelos; a nice mexican place. We shared avacado enchiladas and a layered dip.
Saturday Chad woke up at 5:00am! He just couldn't sleep. We ended up at Krispy Kreme at 6:45. Whew. I was so tired. A fresh, warm, glazed donut right off the belt made me happy. I spend the rest of the day organizing and arranging piles of photos into new leather albums. We rented a James Bond movie that night, but couldn't stay awake long enough to finish it.
Sunday we went to the early service at church. Going to the 8:00am service isn't easy, but we're always glad for the way it makes the day longer. After church we headed to our favorite coffee house. It's called Common Grounds. (We used to smoke cigars there until a city ordiance against smoking in restuarants was passed. Err.) We ordered and shared eachother's food. I got eggs & potatoes; Chad got french toast. He likes sweet things for breakfast; I like protien and salt. After breakfast we went to the granola health food store. I bought pre-natal vitamins, Ester-C, MSM, flaxseed oil, protien powder, and bread. The total for our undersized brown bag of items was $104. We gulped and reminded each other that any doctor bill is easily that much and we only make it to the health food store once or twice a year.
Sunday afternoon we spend the whole day at home. It was unseasonably cool outside. It rained on and off. The dog was lazy and slept at my feet while I continued the picture project. Chad sat at the other end of the table and worked on house plans. Every few minutes he'd hold the drawing up for me to see and ask a question.
"Do the dormers look right?"
"How big should this window be?"
"Should that closet be bigger?"
"Which way do you want this door to swing?"
We've devised a house plan that is about 1450 square feet. It is two story, four bedrooms, with porches, open kitchen/dining/living room, and big closets. I am more excited than overwhelmed at this point. Progress feels so good!
I completed the photo task through 2002. I still have a mammoth stack of pictures from 2003 to deal with. 2003 was our year of traveling so there are tons of pictures. After doing 1995 through 2002 though, this one year will be a cinch. I cannot believe it, but we had accumulated over 1500 pictures! And we're always saying to each other -- "We never take enough pictures."
Yeah right.
Friday I had big aspirations to cook enchiladas for dinner. I went to a chiropartor (for the first time) after work. The treatment made me feel like jello and I lost my desire to cook. We ended up at Abuelos; a nice mexican place. We shared avacado enchiladas and a layered dip.
Saturday Chad woke up at 5:00am! He just couldn't sleep. We ended up at Krispy Kreme at 6:45. Whew. I was so tired. A fresh, warm, glazed donut right off the belt made me happy. I spend the rest of the day organizing and arranging piles of photos into new leather albums. We rented a James Bond movie that night, but couldn't stay awake long enough to finish it.
Sunday we went to the early service at church. Going to the 8:00am service isn't easy, but we're always glad for the way it makes the day longer. After church we headed to our favorite coffee house. It's called Common Grounds. (We used to smoke cigars there until a city ordiance against smoking in restuarants was passed. Err.) We ordered and shared eachother's food. I got eggs & potatoes; Chad got french toast. He likes sweet things for breakfast; I like protien and salt. After breakfast we went to the granola health food store. I bought pre-natal vitamins, Ester-C, MSM, flaxseed oil, protien powder, and bread. The total for our undersized brown bag of items was $104. We gulped and reminded each other that any doctor bill is easily that much and we only make it to the health food store once or twice a year.
Sunday afternoon we spend the whole day at home. It was unseasonably cool outside. It rained on and off. The dog was lazy and slept at my feet while I continued the picture project. Chad sat at the other end of the table and worked on house plans. Every few minutes he'd hold the drawing up for me to see and ask a question.
"Do the dormers look right?"
"How big should this window be?"
"Should that closet be bigger?"
"Which way do you want this door to swing?"
We've devised a house plan that is about 1450 square feet. It is two story, four bedrooms, with porches, open kitchen/dining/living room, and big closets. I am more excited than overwhelmed at this point. Progress feels so good!
I completed the photo task through 2002. I still have a mammoth stack of pictures from 2003 to deal with. 2003 was our year of traveling so there are tons of pictures. After doing 1995 through 2002 though, this one year will be a cinch. I cannot believe it, but we had accumulated over 1500 pictures! And we're always saying to each other -- "We never take enough pictures."
Yeah right.
7/23/2004
sweet relief
Ahh, the joys of Friday. It has been a long week. Nothing remarkable happened; maybe that's why it dragged on and on. I'm looking forward to my regular dose of weekend napping. It has become a routine... work all week; crash on the weekends.
I also have the desire to do some "nesting." Namely, commence the massive project of putting photos into albums. About two months ago I bought five identical large leather photo albums at Target. They will hold a total of 1500 pictures! I don't think we have that many right now, but with the baby on the way I figured we use them soon enough. (I'm more of an album girl than a scrapbooker.) We have piles of envelopes full of pictures from college days, dating, engagment, wedding, honeymoon, birthdays, holidays, traveling, everyday life, pets, new house, etc. It is time to get them in order! We will see if this is the weekend I tackle the project or not...
I also have the desire to do some "nesting." Namely, commence the massive project of putting photos into albums. About two months ago I bought five identical large leather photo albums at Target. They will hold a total of 1500 pictures! I don't think we have that many right now, but with the baby on the way I figured we use them soon enough. (I'm more of an album girl than a scrapbooker.) We have piles of envelopes full of pictures from college days, dating, engagment, wedding, honeymoon, birthdays, holidays, traveling, everyday life, pets, new house, etc. It is time to get them in order! We will see if this is the weekend I tackle the project or not...
7/21/2004
freakout
Last night I had a freakout. I was intensely overwhelmed. The prospect of buying land & building a house is too much for me to fathom right now. I love the idea of being in the country, settled into a custom home, surrounded by trees and chirping birds. But the thought of moving in my 3rd trimester, or worse, with a newborn, absolutely freaks me out.
I'm also worried about the hospital at which I've chosen to have the baby. I feel great about the doctor, but stories about the nurses and facility make me second guess my decision. What is more important -- the staff or the doctor? Any opinions out there? I need them.
Work is also a lot these days. I'm in my 3rd week as a Gifts Designer. (I used to design Cards only; now I do candles, journals, gift bags, frames, and all kinds of other things.) I am happy in the new department. I made the right decision. BUT, the transition is difficult. I wake up most nights thinking about pressing projects, late dealines, and the unknown aspects of my job. Last night it all came crashing down on me. I decided to skip karate. I usually go for Chad's sake. Last night I wanted to think of only ME. :)
So I stayed home. I accidentally fell asleep on the counch at 7:20. Fourty minutes later I woke up in a panic. No! Now I won't be able to sleep, I thought. I grabbed the leash and took the dog for a long brisk walk. The humidity made it less than pleasant, but I wanted to tire myself out so I'd be able to sleep. After awhile we crossed the street to take a look at the cows in a field near our neighborhood. (This is Arkansas I'm talking about.) There were about 30 cows... half mamas and half babies. The babies were very interested in Montana. They walked right up to the fence to check him out. Any movement I made startled them, but the dog didn't bother them at all. We stood there a lot time. I talked to a litte dark brown calf; the cutest one.
Hanging out with the cows was good for me. They made me smile and momentarily forget about my adult worries. Maybe living in rural Arkansas isn't so bad after all.
I'm also worried about the hospital at which I've chosen to have the baby. I feel great about the doctor, but stories about the nurses and facility make me second guess my decision. What is more important -- the staff or the doctor? Any opinions out there? I need them.
Work is also a lot these days. I'm in my 3rd week as a Gifts Designer. (I used to design Cards only; now I do candles, journals, gift bags, frames, and all kinds of other things.) I am happy in the new department. I made the right decision. BUT, the transition is difficult. I wake up most nights thinking about pressing projects, late dealines, and the unknown aspects of my job. Last night it all came crashing down on me. I decided to skip karate. I usually go for Chad's sake. Last night I wanted to think of only ME. :)
So I stayed home. I accidentally fell asleep on the counch at 7:20. Fourty minutes later I woke up in a panic. No! Now I won't be able to sleep, I thought. I grabbed the leash and took the dog for a long brisk walk. The humidity made it less than pleasant, but I wanted to tire myself out so I'd be able to sleep. After awhile we crossed the street to take a look at the cows in a field near our neighborhood. (This is Arkansas I'm talking about.) There were about 30 cows... half mamas and half babies. The babies were very interested in Montana. They walked right up to the fence to check him out. Any movement I made startled them, but the dog didn't bother them at all. We stood there a lot time. I talked to a litte dark brown calf; the cutest one.
Hanging out with the cows was good for me. They made me smile and momentarily forget about my adult worries. Maybe living in rural Arkansas isn't so bad after all.
7/19/2004
sunday motorcycle ride
Yesterday afternoon Chad and I went for a motorcycle ride. It was the first time of the season for me to ride. I have been apprehensive about riding because of the pregnancy. I have a whole new set of anxieties and fears now. As we drove out of the neighborhood I wondered silently, "Should I be doing this?"
Chad is an overly cautious person. He knew I was nervous so he went extra slow. We drove to our favorite frozen custard place; 20 minutes from the house. We ordered a large mint-oreo contrete. Behind the drive-thru establishment was a small field of thick grass and trees. We sat in the shade and shared the custard slowly. Chad is a good sharer. We don't eat faster, faster, faster to get more. We go slow and give each other time. I've always liked this about us.
After we finished the custard he showed me how to wistle with grass between my thumbs. I put the grass to my mouth, blew, and shocked myself with the shrill sound that ensued. I was pleased because I typically can't figure things like that out. Then he showed me how to blow into my closed hands to imitate the sound of a whipper-will bird. (That is probably spelled wrong.) I felt like we were kids, playing on a summer afternoon.
On the drive home I was able to relax and enjoy the wind. Chad could tell I was more at ease and he gunned the accelerator on the straight parts of the road. I held on tight and smiled. Soon I'll be too big to fit comfortably behind him on the bike. I'm enjoying our last months of being married without kids.
Chad is an overly cautious person. He knew I was nervous so he went extra slow. We drove to our favorite frozen custard place; 20 minutes from the house. We ordered a large mint-oreo contrete. Behind the drive-thru establishment was a small field of thick grass and trees. We sat in the shade and shared the custard slowly. Chad is a good sharer. We don't eat faster, faster, faster to get more. We go slow and give each other time. I've always liked this about us.
After we finished the custard he showed me how to wistle with grass between my thumbs. I put the grass to my mouth, blew, and shocked myself with the shrill sound that ensued. I was pleased because I typically can't figure things like that out. Then he showed me how to blow into my closed hands to imitate the sound of a whipper-will bird. (That is probably spelled wrong.) I felt like we were kids, playing on a summer afternoon.
On the drive home I was able to relax and enjoy the wind. Chad could tell I was more at ease and he gunned the accelerator on the straight parts of the road. I held on tight and smiled. Soon I'll be too big to fit comfortably behind him on the bike. I'm enjoying our last months of being married without kids.
7/16/2004
overalls
I'm enjoying wearing overalls these days. They feel good because they have no waistband. This weekend I'll "turn" 15 weeks. It is fun to be almost four months pregnant. My body is already very different. I've gained about 10 pounds. I am thick in the middle. I've started wearing semi maternity clothes. Several girls have loaned/given me maternity items. I should not have to buy much. This makes me happy because I'd rather spend money on the baby!
While in Atlanta I bought several baby items. I have a feeling we'll have a boy so I purchased boy things as well as neutrals. My favorite is a Gap outfit. It's baby blue & white... a onsie, matching striped pants (with a drawstring) and a striped hat with a knot at the top. It is absolutely adorable. We'll have the unltrasound to see if it's a boy or girl in September. I will be shocked if it is a girl. Either one is perfect though. I am glad I don't have a preference.
I feel back to my normal self again. The past two weeks I've had energy! I still tire easily, but the icky stomach stuff is gone as well as the restless nights. I am sleeping better again. They say the second trimester is the honeymoon phase of pregnancy. So far that is true for me. Although I've been hugely happy every day since I found out; even when I felt icky.
I haven't taken any pictures of myself yet. I need to start as I look mildly pregnant now. I have low aspirations as far as scrapbooking goes. Many women excitedly ask, "Will you do a baby scrapbook?!" I just don't want to. Instead I'd rather do simple photo albums with blurbs of writing next to the pictures. Or I might opt for a Hallmark baby book. They have some beautiful ones.
While in Atlanta I bought several baby items. I have a feeling we'll have a boy so I purchased boy things as well as neutrals. My favorite is a Gap outfit. It's baby blue & white... a onsie, matching striped pants (with a drawstring) and a striped hat with a knot at the top. It is absolutely adorable. We'll have the unltrasound to see if it's a boy or girl in September. I will be shocked if it is a girl. Either one is perfect though. I am glad I don't have a preference.
I feel back to my normal self again. The past two weeks I've had energy! I still tire easily, but the icky stomach stuff is gone as well as the restless nights. I am sleeping better again. They say the second trimester is the honeymoon phase of pregnancy. So far that is true for me. Although I've been hugely happy every day since I found out; even when I felt icky.
I haven't taken any pictures of myself yet. I need to start as I look mildly pregnant now. I have low aspirations as far as scrapbooking goes. Many women excitedly ask, "Will you do a baby scrapbook?!" I just don't want to. Instead I'd rather do simple photo albums with blurbs of writing next to the pictures. Or I might opt for a Hallmark baby book. They have some beautiful ones.
7/15/2004
swamped and happy to be home
I've been away for awhile. Part of this absence is due to travel. I went to Atlanta for six days. The first half of the trip was work-related. The second half was spent hanging out with friends and their toddlers. The idea of dealing with a toddler on a daily basis scares me. I'm super excited for the baby, but a toddler? I've never been a very patient person. I'm glad the toddler stage is on that comes later and not right away.
It is wonderful to be back home. I love traveling and I also love returning home. I missed Chad while I was away. By the time I saw him at the airport I was giddy with love and affection. It is fun to rekindle those junior high feelings of adoration every once in awhile.
Work is challenging right now. I have looming deadlines and I'm not sure how to get to the finish line. I have a lot to learn. I've been enjoying quiet time in the morning everyday. Time to sit outside, be quiet, pray, read, and think. The new job position has made me depend on God more than I've had to in the past few years. When life is easy and fun I don't go to Him much. It's the challenges and the hardships that remind me of my need for His presence and help. I'm glad He is always there ready and waiting.
It is wonderful to be back home. I love traveling and I also love returning home. I missed Chad while I was away. By the time I saw him at the airport I was giddy with love and affection. It is fun to rekindle those junior high feelings of adoration every once in awhile.
Work is challenging right now. I have looming deadlines and I'm not sure how to get to the finish line. I have a lot to learn. I've been enjoying quiet time in the morning everyday. Time to sit outside, be quiet, pray, read, and think. The new job position has made me depend on God more than I've had to in the past few years. When life is easy and fun I don't go to Him much. It's the challenges and the hardships that remind me of my need for His presence and help. I'm glad He is always there ready and waiting.
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