7/21/2004

freakout

Last night I had a freakout. I was intensely overwhelmed. The prospect of buying land & building a house is too much for me to fathom right now. I love the idea of being in the country, settled into a custom home, surrounded by trees and chirping birds. But the thought of moving in my 3rd trimester, or worse, with a newborn, absolutely freaks me out.

I'm also worried about the hospital at which I've chosen to have the baby. I feel great about the doctor, but stories about the nurses and facility make me second guess my decision. What is more important -- the staff or the doctor? Any opinions out there? I need them.

Work is also a lot these days. I'm in my 3rd week as a Gifts Designer. (I used to design Cards only; now I do candles, journals, gift bags, frames, and all kinds of other things.) I am happy in the new department. I made the right decision. BUT, the transition is difficult. I wake up most nights thinking about pressing projects, late dealines, and the unknown aspects of my job. Last night it all came crashing down on me. I decided to skip karate. I usually go for Chad's sake. Last night I wanted to think of only ME. :)

So I stayed home. I accidentally fell asleep on the counch at 7:20. Fourty minutes later I woke up in a panic. No! Now I won't be able to sleep, I thought. I grabbed the leash and took the dog for a long brisk walk. The humidity made it less than pleasant, but I wanted to tire myself out so I'd be able to sleep. After awhile we crossed the street to take a look at the cows in a field near our neighborhood. (This is Arkansas I'm talking about.) There were about 30 cows... half mamas and half babies. The babies were very interested in Montana. They walked right up to the fence to check him out. Any movement I made startled them, but the dog didn't bother them at all. We stood there a lot time. I talked to a litte dark brown calf; the cutest one.

Hanging out with the cows was good for me. They made me smile and momentarily forget about my adult worries. Maybe living in rural Arkansas isn't so bad after all.

3 comments:

Sarah said...

Breathe... I wish I could walk to the cows. That sounds right up my alley. Regarding staff vs. doctor, in my experience the staff were the most important. The doc. literally ran down the hall to Jacob's delivery. I don't think he was even needed. All the work had already been done. And who I thought would be the worst nurse turned out to be the best (very strict). I love you! It's gonna be o.k. Just think, having a baby allows you to sit back and watch everyone else work their asses off for you.

Bekah said...

Thanks Sarah. That's kinda what I was thinking too. Part of me wants to screw the whole hospital thing and have the baby at home. NOT REALLY. Don't worry. That would be scary.

I miss you!

Anonymous said...

Doctors are overpaid and they let the nurses do all the work while they come in and ask a few questions. Doctors don't do crap. Thats my opinion.

Matt