another week

I floated through another weekend feeling odd.

My 18-year-old sister-in-law visited from Illinois. She's quiet, helpful, observant, perceptive, intuitive, and honest. I have always enjoyed her company. She loves babies and is wonderful with Melody. She's a natural. For some reason, each time she visits us I flip out. Last time she was here I was pregnant. I ended up bursting into tears at the grocery store when Chad asked me what we were having for supper. Then yesterday I lost it again in the car. I was in the backseat with Melody. She was screaming her tiny head off and driving me crazy. I ended up in tears as well. I barked at Chad, "Can you drive faster?"

I wonder what my sis-in-law thinks when I break down?

When I was younger I was hard on others. I thought I had life figured out. One of my good friends got married 4 years before me. I was inwardly critical of the way she and her husband interacted. Now I'm married and I realize their behavior wasn't that big of a deal. It was normal; unlike the utopian view of marriage I possessed at the time.

This week my mother-in-law and other sis-in-law will be here. I am at a loss. Do I tell them I'm depressed? Or do I act like nothing is the matter? I'm sure they'll notice before the five days is up. How do others deal with depression and family members?


Erin said...

I still fuss at Michael with his driving when Oliver is crying in the car. It's all I can do to not just bail out of the moving car. As soon as he pulls into the driveway I'm half way out of the moving car.

bekah said...

Hey Erin! Great to hear from you. Thanks for the comment. It's nice to know I'm not the only one. I do so much better when I'm in the front seat. Last night I was trapped in the back right next to the baby -- ahhhh!!!

Jenny said...

Hi Bek,
I miss you. Could you send me your e-mail address?
I've gotta question for ya...
Love you Bek,
Jenny Bethke

cjoy said...

Oh yeah, a definite mom thing. :) Something I do is freak out that my baby's crying will annoy my parents (I've done this with BOTH kids), and they just laugh it off saying they've been through it all before. Indeed, they are much more calm about the crying than I am. haha!

cjoy said...

Oh, as for telling your inlaws you're depressed...see how the week pans out. If you feel to say something, but aren't sure what, tell them you're still struggling with all the major adjustments in your (new) life. You're really doing well in the long run. Take heart!

Stephanie said...

okay...imagine this...Claire is about 1 month old.

I am driving to Rogers, she starts screaming her head off as soon as we get into the car, then I get stuck in road construction! I am driving with one hand while the other is holding my finger in her mouth.
I came un-glued,and cried all the way to Rogers in slow-motion.

I didn't leave the house alone with her for a long time after that experience.

ldv said...

honesty. rebekah joy that is one of the things that i treasure the most about you. you are honest. even about the humbling or hard stuff in life. i think you should be honest with your in laws. that's you being you kotter- real and true. your in laws love you already kotter, they can handle the truth. besides i have appreciated your transparency with me since melody has come for two reasons, 1) i am honored that you trust me enough to handle the raw truth and 2) i can know better how to understand and pray for you. So my dear friend, speak the truth in love and know that I am praying hugely for you this week. and... i missed ya tonight-