9/12/2005

the juggling game

I am not finished posting about my brother, but I am going to write about other stuff today. One of the reasons I've been absent is because I felt constrained to post about him again, and the inspiration wasn't there.

Today has been strange. I woke up early at 6:00. Melody was still asleep and I enjoyed the darkness of the quiet morning. I took care of paperwork while my brain was fresh. I think best in the morning. My motor skills are a different story. As I attempted to make a smoothie, frozen peaches went flying, clattering loudy on the tile floor.

Melody woke around 7:00. We nursed and then walked for a hour. She slouched to one side of her stroller with a duh face as the cracks in the sidewalk rhymically passed. I felt strong and sturdy and walked briskly. The air was cool, evidence that summer is finally saying goodbye.

The rest of the day has been a struggle. I've been on a mission to take care of things. Send my bro-in-law and sis-in law letters with snapshots of Melody. They are both in college and need contact from the outside world. Make bean soup. I've had a bag of dry red beans for over a year. I found them on Saturday as I began packing the kitchen for our upcoming move. I vowed to cook them before we move; today is the day. They are simmering on the stove with brown rice, tomatoes, green onions, corn, and ranch seasoning. I hope it's good, because there's a lot of it.

The reason these things have been a struggle is because I ignore Melody while I work. She watches Einstein, plays on her blanket, claps her hands, and watches me walk back and forth through the living room over and over again. After awhile she gets bored and wants my attention. Most days I gladly quit my chore to be with her. Here is my question: Is it possible to be a good mom AND a good homemaker? I feel like I have to choose. And inbetween these two, I long to find a tiny bit of time for just ME. To read, write, email, whatever.

I'm not complaining... I love being at home. I'm just wondering how to juggle it all. How do you do it?

5 comments:

jomasmom said...

Don't beat yourself up. I have gone through the same thing... three times. I catch myself doing the same thing and yes it's hard. I use to stress about the house work not getting done and would get upset with the girls because I couldn't seem to get anything done. I finally learned that the house is not going to fall apart if it's not spotless. try to relax and enjoy, they grow up so fast!

Thalia said...

hey rebekah! i totally understand how you feel--trying to juggle it all. i can tell you that when i feel overwhelmed, i try to repeat to myself, "people over things", and that generally helps to put things into perspective. on a more applicable note, in my opinion it gets easier as they get a little older. when i need to get something done around the house, i try to involve kate. it does usaually take twice as long, but she learns how to do things and has fun at the same time. plus, i feel better for involving her. for example, now she can rund the dustbuster in the kitchen! she is so talented! even when she was smaller, i would put her in the sling or the back pack, and get things done that way. you will find a system that works for you. much love to you!

Rose said...

It is certainly a challenge for me. Most days my housework gets left undone. I am thinking about hiring a maid to come in once in a while and clean for me...

bekah said...

Thanks ladies... it makes me feel better knowing others struggle too. It's not like I want a spotless house, by any means. Some days I just want to make a 'real' and it feels impossible. I look forward to when Melody is old enough to 'help.'

Laurel said...

I like Thalia's advice of people over things. I don't get much housework done each day but I do more on the weekend or after Benji's in bed if I still have energy. I also just turn a blind eye and that helps quite a bit! :)