7/13/2005

dreams vs reality

This morning Melody and I woke up early. I was tired and groggy. She is teething and our nights have been rougher than usual. I turned to see the clock. 6:23. We got out of bed (she slept with me last night) and she was singing her morning song. She is happiest in the mornings. I changed her diaper and put on my knee length Gap camouflage shorts. They belong to Chad, but I recently discovered they fit me! It was great to know I can wear some of his clothes again. We used to switch and trade clothes all the time. My 55 lb pregnancy weight gain changed that fact.

I put Melody in the backpack and leashed the dog. He was sleepy and excited at the same time. I don't think he'd ever been for a walk that early. The air outside wasn't as refreshing as I hoped. The Arkansas July air remained humid despite the early hour. It was quiet and still though. Morning has always been my favorite time of day, but I usually am too lazy to do anything about it.

We walked for thirty minutes. Many cars exited the neighborhood during this time. The passengers appeared to be on their way to work. Each passing car reinforced my thankfulness to be at home with Meldoy instead of working fulltime. I feel so lucky. Our morning walk was a dream come true.

Lately I've reaized something new: I am a dreamer.

I always have an ideal picture in my head of what the future holds. In this picture there are steady things that do not change. The house is clean and extremely organized. Our bills are neatly filed. I am skinny. Unique decorations adorn each wall. Beds are made. Meals are planned and healthy. I exercise regularly and feel strong.

When we were in the process of buying our current house I held these high dreams. Now, three years later, a couple walls have decor that is pleasing to my eye. The bills are paid on time, but a file pile is approaching one foot tall in the spare bedroom. I am slowly loosing weight but the idea of being skinny again feels like a far away thing. The beds are made about 40% of the time.

Now we are in the process of builing a house in the country. I find myself dreaming again. Paint colors from Restoration Hardware, high gloss cabinets, cedar trim, flower boxes, dreamy patio.... I lay awake at night pondering what each room will look like. Lately I've been realizing that the new house will still have a file pile, struggling plants, and makeshift furniture.

Does everyone have this dilemma? If so, how do we jump out of it and make our dreams reality?

7 comments:

Rose said...

Is about making our dreams reality or about us accepting the present and having to let go of our ideal dreams in certain areas? That is what I ponder. Somebody once said "want what you have and you will always have what you want." I haven't gotten there in certain areas of my life.

Sarah said...

Hi Sweetie, loved your post. I felt as though I was taking that morning walk with you, Melody and the dog. Personally, I don't have any dreams, but for you I suggest hiring a maid to organize, clean, and file away while you do what you do so well, decorate. I wish we lived by each other, I would love to organize for you and you could decorate for me. :)

Anna Warren said...

I know exactly what you mean - I have dreams of a house with a beautiful garden, organized and tasteful interior, and am still hoping to someday master the art of providing healthful, yet budget-conscious meals, as my mom seems to have. :u)

When we bought our house, I somehow expected all of the decorating to happen overnight (or within a couple of months at most). Now, over a year later, all of our walls (except for the bathroom, which we painted the first month) are still a stark white. Not exactly the most creative color. Our yard, which started out as grass and trees, with no other landscaping, now has some flower beds, but most of the plants are still very small - not the flourishing Eden I imagined!

Sometimes the best way for me to deal with this is to try to make at least one improvement - even a small one - every month. We have a small "home improvement" budget. This month we're putting screens in some of our windows - maybe next month we'll buy a couple cans of paint! It at least makes me feel like we're making progress.

I agree with Rose, though. I love doing my little projects to improve our home, but at some point I just need to step back and look at my little nest, "As Is", and decide that it is just what I want. I can do that to a point, but I still need to work on that "coveting other people's things" deal. :u)

Jill said...

I'm not sure exactly how I came upon your blog, but so many things you've written, I can completely relate to. Some even brought a tear of nostalgia. My first baby girl is now 17 months old and some of those days of excitement over rolling over, first laugh, etc. are starting to become foggy memories. My advice - make a conscious effort to remember EVERYTHING! Take lots of pictures. Continue to journal. And most importantly, enjoy loving that precious baby girl!!
Oh, and the idea of hiring a maid that Sarah had - good idea!! :)

Laurel said...

For me dreaming and coveting are very close to each other. It shouldn't be that way I know, but that is where I currently am.

If we don't dream about something - anything, I think we will eventually die. So it's a good thing...

I like the suggestion to do something small each month. Today (though mid-July and summer is half over) I bought some flowers to spruce up our front flower bed. It made me so happy to plant those flowers in the earth - and only cost $20. :)

Sheryll said...

I just found your blog!

The secret of the to-be-filed pile (and other such messes) is very cute boxes! Or a closet to pile miscellaneous stuff in. Our guestroom/office closet hides ugly filing cabinets and all kinds of office supplies, binders, etc.

We have very slowly purchased things for the house, various bits of furniture each year. But, I have lived here five years and have almost naked walls! Maybe one day it will look nice!

Laurel said...

I have been thinking more about dreams and dreaming lately.

I think dreams are good up until the point they make us unhappy with our present life.