I am at my husband's office this morning. We left my car in the parking lot last night, for logistical reasons. This morning it would not start. Thankfully two of Chad's coworkers are mechanics on the side. They diagnosed the problem in 10 minutes. They laughed in disbelief as they looked at my poor car's rusty spark plugs. Chad felt dumb. He isn't extremely mechanically inclined but he knows about spark plugs. We should have had them changed multiple times! This explains why my car has had NO power lately. It is an '87 Honda Accord, previously owned by my grandma. Poor little car.
We leave for Thanksgiving this afternoon. We'll spend the long weekend I Illinois with Chad's family. It will be an interesting holiday. His parents are in the midst of a divorce after being married for 27 years. We are hoping the time at home will be one of bonding through the diffucult circumstances. Chad has three younger siblings ranging in age from 17 to 21. We are looking forward to being with them and with his mom.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!
11/26/2003
11/20/2003
down
I've been down lately. I've gone on two great business trips in the past 4 weeks. One to Vancouver and one to Dallas. They throw me into a tail spin. When I'm at home I focus on working toward being debt free. I enjoy home, cooking, and being domestic. These trips make a different part of me come alive. I love the world of design -- researching, shopping, talking. I love the cities. They wake up dorment dreams of living in a skyrise, walking everywhere, eating sushi, working at a prestigous design firm. Then I come back to Arkansas. Being married to Chad has changed my life path. I love being his wife, but the past dreams haunt me sometimes. I miss them.
Also, Chad and I are in a low spell right now. It happens from time to time. We don't have much to talk about. I wonder if he is sad on the inside and doesn't realize it. (His parents are in the midst of a divorce.) Life flies by and we keep surviving. We don't fight, but we don't really love either. It makes me sad. But I know it will pass. It always does. Sometimes I worry, "What if this dry spell lasts for a YEAR?"
The other thing is my constant struggle with wanting a baby. I see other women with their pregnant bellies and my heart flips over. I do not understand this longing. It is as strong as a tidal wave. It makes me ask questions like, "If I don't have a baby soon, will it be too late?" It is the only issue that Chad and I are not like-minded about. I've come to terms with it multiple times, surrendering it over and over, and finding peace again and again. I am sad because Chad isn't able to listen to my feelings on the issue without getting stressed out. He thinks he needs to fix the problem, but I only want him to listen.
There are many reasons to be thankful but I am still sad.
Also, Chad and I are in a low spell right now. It happens from time to time. We don't have much to talk about. I wonder if he is sad on the inside and doesn't realize it. (His parents are in the midst of a divorce.) Life flies by and we keep surviving. We don't fight, but we don't really love either. It makes me sad. But I know it will pass. It always does. Sometimes I worry, "What if this dry spell lasts for a YEAR?"
The other thing is my constant struggle with wanting a baby. I see other women with their pregnant bellies and my heart flips over. I do not understand this longing. It is as strong as a tidal wave. It makes me ask questions like, "If I don't have a baby soon, will it be too late?" It is the only issue that Chad and I are not like-minded about. I've come to terms with it multiple times, surrendering it over and over, and finding peace again and again. I am sad because Chad isn't able to listen to my feelings on the issue without getting stressed out. He thinks he needs to fix the problem, but I only want him to listen.
There are many reasons to be thankful but I am still sad.
11/10/2003
nearly perfect weekend
Don't you just love it when you have a great weekend? Chad and I got along really well all three days. It was so nice. We were on the same page, the same wave length, and the same mindset.
We camped with friends, Casey & Traci, Saturday night. I smoked my Cohiba birthday present from July. I'd been saving it for an occasion like camping or the drive-in because it was a long smoke. It was great. We made hobos in the fire. The boys shot their guns. The rain waited until we were safe and asleep in the tent. We stayed dry.
We rushed home Sunday morning in order to be able to go to church. Usually I'm totally okay with skipping church. Not many people have heard me say, "Oh, I can't do that because I don't want to miss church." Lately it has been different. I've been LOVING church. It is filling a hunger in me that I gave up on being filled a long time ago. We sang loud and strong and eagerly listened to our favorite speaker give the message. We left feeling high and in harmony with each other. We ate lunch at our local mexican standby. As we munched on chips and salsa we talked excitedly about what heaven will be like someday. This earth is not our home. It was good to be reminded of that.
Dinner was McDonalds, a rented movie, and homemade white russians. The cat was in an affectionate mood. She kept me warm. Chad and I laughed at the silly movie. Even though it was a dudd, we had fun together. I feel lucky that we found each other. Not just lucky... thankful, happy, and blessed too.
We camped with friends, Casey & Traci, Saturday night. I smoked my Cohiba birthday present from July. I'd been saving it for an occasion like camping or the drive-in because it was a long smoke. It was great. We made hobos in the fire. The boys shot their guns. The rain waited until we were safe and asleep in the tent. We stayed dry.
We rushed home Sunday morning in order to be able to go to church. Usually I'm totally okay with skipping church. Not many people have heard me say, "Oh, I can't do that because I don't want to miss church." Lately it has been different. I've been LOVING church. It is filling a hunger in me that I gave up on being filled a long time ago. We sang loud and strong and eagerly listened to our favorite speaker give the message. We left feeling high and in harmony with each other. We ate lunch at our local mexican standby. As we munched on chips and salsa we talked excitedly about what heaven will be like someday. This earth is not our home. It was good to be reminded of that.
Dinner was McDonalds, a rented movie, and homemade white russians. The cat was in an affectionate mood. She kept me warm. Chad and I laughed at the silly movie. Even though it was a dudd, we had fun together. I feel lucky that we found each other. Not just lucky... thankful, happy, and blessed too.
11/06/2003
matrix revolutions
I went to my first opening night movie last night. Matrix Revolutions. I bought tickets from a coworker. Chad and I have a terrible track record with movie theater experiences. We rarely go because it feels so expensive. (We're renters.) When we do go we end up arriving to the theater with seconds to spare. Last night was no exception. We were doing okay until we got about a mile from the theater. Traffic was backed up onto the highway. We sat waiting and tried not to freak out.
We finally arrived to the theater at 6:55 for our 7 o'clock showing. We rushed into the theater wondering if we'd be able to find two seats together. As we walked up and down the stairs straining to see the seats, we saw several people we knew. They waved excitedly to us. There were no extra seats near them. Finally we gave up and retreated to the dreaded front row. I struggled against my instinct to pout, complain, and sigh. Chad wasn't happy either. (He handles these types of situations better than me though.) As we settled into our seats directly under the huge screen we heard someone yelling our last name. We turned around to see our friends waving at us. They had scooted over, and made room for us. We jumped up like little kids and happily plopped down next to them. The seats were in the middle of the room! :)
The movie was okay. I definitely liked the first two better. Why is it that sequels have such a hard time measuring up to the original movie? It was fun to be in an opening night crowd. Everyone was quick to laugh and and react. I expecting clapping at the end, but it didn't happen. Maybe everyone else was slightly disappointed as well.
We finally arrived to the theater at 6:55 for our 7 o'clock showing. We rushed into the theater wondering if we'd be able to find two seats together. As we walked up and down the stairs straining to see the seats, we saw several people we knew. They waved excitedly to us. There were no extra seats near them. Finally we gave up and retreated to the dreaded front row. I struggled against my instinct to pout, complain, and sigh. Chad wasn't happy either. (He handles these types of situations better than me though.) As we settled into our seats directly under the huge screen we heard someone yelling our last name. We turned around to see our friends waving at us. They had scooted over, and made room for us. We jumped up like little kids and happily plopped down next to them. The seats were in the middle of the room! :)
The movie was okay. I definitely liked the first two better. Why is it that sequels have such a hard time measuring up to the original movie? It was fun to be in an opening night crowd. Everyone was quick to laugh and and react. I expecting clapping at the end, but it didn't happen. Maybe everyone else was slightly disappointed as well.
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