Lately, I've been behind on everything. Housework, meals, teaching, freelance, bills, even blogging. For awhile I was on top of things. I don't know how it happened, but I lost my motivation. I fell back into the pattern of going places to escape the undone house. I hate living that way.
And about the class I'm teaching... I love the idea of teaching. I love the university and the students. I even enjoy the subject matter. So WHY is it hard for me to stay prepared and motivated?? I don't understand. I need a kick in the butt or something.
Another thing that's bugging me is that I have nothing to say when people ask how I'm doing. "Good, good. I'm fine." Blah, blah, blah. There is nothing new to report. I end up talking about Melody instead... "The baby is walking!" Yesterday someone replied with, "Great! But how are you?"
"Uhhhh.... good, I think?" I haven't had a case of humdrum life in awhile. It's not fun.
Last weekend I had a birthday party for my brother and his college roommate. They turned 19 in the same week. Christopher invited 10 of his guy friends over for dinner, a bonfire, and some gun shooting. I made thousands of enchiladas and a german chocolate cake from sratch. I think I used every single utensil, pan, and dish in the kitchen. Twice. It has taken three whole-hearted attempts of kitchen-cleaning to get everything back in order. I also made a huge Happy Birthday banner with eight pieces of poster board and acrylic paints. I combined uppercase and lowercase letters with four fun colors to create a silly up-and-down type design. Chad and I hung it over the couch in the living room.
By the time everyone arrived, I was too exhausted to enjoy hosting. After several hours of hoop-la I was ready for an empty quiet house. I was slightly nervous with the college age guys. Chad and I don't know how to relate or act around them. Maybe it's because for the first time we're the older ones?
Tomorrow my mom, Melody and I leave for a trip to Texas. We'll be gone four days to visit family and go to a wedding. Maybe this girlie roadtrip is what I need. I hope so. Chad will work on the house while we're away. He's looking forward to being able to focus on the projects without being distracted. There are still many many things left to complete before our June deadline. The stress of these projects is probably the biggest contributing factor to my funk.
2 comments:
I know that "undone house" feeling not b/c our house is brand new but b/c we have been in process of painting the interior since Sept. and it is going no where near as fast as I want. We started with tearing down all the 80's wallpaper and I am STILL waiting for DH to patch and repair so we can start painting. He wants to do it all himself but is busy as heck at work and with a course he's taking so it just stays undone... and I feel frustrated...
In my blog "It's been too long", I talk of making a cake from scratch and it was a German Choc. cake, too! :) I am notorious for "slaving" to prep for a party and then pooping out before people even get there. I think it's the perfectionist in me. But I've recognized it and I become intentional about not working myself to death - to gage where my energy level is at and then prioritizing what really needs to get done so that I CAN enjoy my company. It's not easy but if I make it a mental decision rather than an emotional one, that's half the battle.
I also have a hard time around younger folks. I sorta always have. I think it must be the gray-faded line between my first born and only child characteristics. The Birth Order book (which I find fascinating) says that 5 or more years between you and your younger or older sibling could mean that you display some only child tendencies. An interesting perspective.
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