crazy hair & big cookies

Last Friday at our weekly playgroup we celebrated Gillian's 2nd birthday. Gilly's mom, Kristin, is the queen of birthday fun. She did a m&m theme for the party. The kids were sent home with a bag o goodies including these amazingly huge m&m cookies on a stick. Melody asked to eat her cookie 1000 times that day. I repeatedly said, "No, you can have it tomorrow...."

The next morning she ran from her room, still half asleep, and said, CAN I HAVE MY COOKIE NOW? Immediately after breakfast the girls sat happily in front of a movie and ate their treats.

Thanks Kristin!

wait listed!

We are officially on The Gladney Wait List for a baby boy!

We were put on the list on March 18. The average wait for a referral right now is 6.5 months. This means we might get matched to a baby around October 1. (We won't travel for another few months after that.)

I woke up on Thursday morning with great peace in my heart. I laid awake for a hour, soaking in thoughts of the adoption. I am in awe of what God is doing. I have been drawn to adoption and in love with orphans for a long long time, but the fact that we're actually doing this is amazing to me. Thursday morning's hour of reflection was about wrapping my thoughts around the fact that adoption is really happening for us. I feel blessed and elated, just like I did when we were pregnant with Melody and Leah. It truly is God's doing, not ours.

Thanks be to God.

a good read

Yesterday I received a book in our mailbox. (It has been a good mail week... first our CIS Approval and then a book!) A few days ago I ordered this book. It is written by Josh and Amy Bottomly who are famous in the Ethiopian Blog Adoption World.

Late last night, when the house was finally quiet, I curled up in the leather chair by the fire and began reading From Ashes To Africa. Every 15 pages or so I'd peak at the clock and tell myself, "Go to bed!" I kept reading. Finally at 1:15am I reluctantly set the bright book on the side table. I finished the book today during nap time.

I like this story because it deals with relevant stuff. The ups and downs of marriage. The pain and confusion of infertility. The vast difference between the United States and Africa. The bond of Christians across the globe. The beauty of children. The gritty truths of poverty. The pages trade voices between Josh and Amy. It is neat to see their individual sides of the story. Josh and Amy are honest and funny in their story telling.

Above all, I love the end of this book. If only every story could end with such a wonderful conclusion.

said by melody...

Tonight I was standing at the stove heating up soup for dinner.
Mel was at the nearby table coloring. Out of nowhere she said,

"I'm just a looser."

I nonchalantly replied, "Why do you say that?"
Worried mommy-thoughts swirled in my head.

Mel said, "Because I loose things."

CIS Approval!

Today we received our CIS Approval (Citizenship and Immigration Services)! This marks the end of our adoption paperwork process, one of the biggest undertakings of my life so far.

funny moment

Today Melody and Leah were playing in the other room. I heard Mel ask Leah to get something for her. Mel explained where it was, "Leah, it's by the pink thing.... right there.... no not that.... in the middle.... do you see it?" They went on and on like that for about five minutes! Mel never got frustrated. Then they started this:

Leah: "Dat?" (that)
Mel: "No."
Leah: "Dat?"
Mel: "No."
Leah: "Dat?"
Mel: "No."
Leah: "Dat?"
Mel: "No."
Leah: "Dat?"
Mel: "No."
Leah: "Dat?"
Mel: "No."

They probably did this 55 times.
Then I heard,

Leah, "Dat?
Mel, "YES!!! Good job! Leah you are good at learning things."

leah's funny faces

Leah is a funny girl. Recently I have captured some faces that give a peak into her quirky personality. She has a subtle nature about her that sneaks out when she is feeling feisty.




This pucker thing is her newest face. She makes this face when she is in trouble. I'll say her name with a strong, low, serious tone. The next thing I know, she is tilting her head and sticking her lips out as far as they can go. It is really difficult to keep a straight face and follow through with consistency blah, blah, blah.



I call this one her quirky Mona Lisa smile. I wonder what she is thinking.



The girls have always enjoyed bubble baths. Recently we took bubble baths to a new level by using our jacuzzi tub. Once the water/bubbles are above the jets we turn them on and Voila! there are a million trillion bubbles. We got a little carried away...



Everything is great fun until mommy starts laughing at you too much. I think it hurt her feelings. I understand though.... she is just like me. Feisty and sensitive; not an easy combo. Poor baby.

the aftermath of melody's bad hair day

Here are some photos of Melody's haircut after her scissor experiment. The first one is a mug shot taken before bedtime the day of the whole incident. The second was taken a few days later at Vance and Harmony's wedding reception. I'm slowly getting used to it.

melody's bad hair day

Today is a day I won't forget. I was doing my own thing this morning... taking a shower, etc. The girls were watching a DVD, like they usually do each morning when I take a shower. I walked into the living room where they were and noticed a big chunk of Mel's hair on the couch. I looked at her with a startled expression and said, "DID YOU CUT YOUR HAIR!???" Her response was nonchalant, "Yeah, I wanted a short cut. I tried to get it everywhere." She succeeded at both of these. Her short cut was like a mullet on one side of her face. As Ellen pointed out later, the short cut was also very emo. A pair of skinny jeans and some skull art on her shoes would have finished the look nicely. (What's up the all the skulls?! Any other moms creeped out by this?)

We headed to Walmart for a haircut. Melody seemed pleased with herself. She is always vying for control of our days. Today she won. We were going to stay home all day working on the house and laundry. I'll post pictures of the new do tomorrow...

homestudy

We had our homestudy on Monday. This is a big step in the adoption process. A social worker came to our house for three and a half hours. We sat in the clean living room with water, coffee and a muffin each. It was like a combination of job interview and counseling session. We were asked about our strengths and weaknesses as individuals and as a couple. Other questions were, "How do you cope with stress?" "How do you discipline your kids and why?" "How will you deal with racism that may be directed at your children?" Heavy duty stuff.

At the end of the homestudy, the social worker toured the house. Each room was tidy for this reason. Usually when I host something, the main sections of the house look great but one or two of the bedrooms take the brunt of the junk. Preparing for someone to see the every room is a challenge for a person like me. I am slowly working toward a place for every thing and every thing has a place. (We sang a horrible song with those words when I was growing up.... maybe that's why I have a problem with this concept?)

Now that the homestudy is behind us, I'm back on the paperwork fast track. It might sound crazy, but I'm looking forward to the just waiting part of the process. Once we finish this paperwork, the steps after that involve a lot of waiting. During the waiting I hope to read about Ethiopia and attachment, continue with freelance, and enjoy 2009!

our biggest news of the year...

We are expecting our third child!

In twelve to eighteen months Chad and I will travel to Ethiopia to adopt a baby boy. When I tell people the news, tears stream down my cheeks. It's embarrassing, but I cannot help it. They are happy, giddy, joyful, bursting, fill-your-heart-with-pounding-love kind of tears.

For a long time (perhaps our whole marriage) international adoption has been on the back burner of our future. We don't know why, but it's always made sense to us. Melody and Leah came unexpectedly and this decision has come about similarly. Despite the constant pace of life, adoption has been knocking on the door of my heart nonstop for the past year. It was almost a nusaince. We both thought we'd adopt later, but the call was strong in me now. I tried to push it away, feeling trapped by its intensity. It would not go away.

One Friday evening in early October Chad and I were sitting outside. The evening was dark. We sat in the orange light of a small bonfire. It was the first time all week we had quality time alone. Suddenly the adoption pang washed over me again. I silently sighed, frustrated and confused. My thought was, "God, why am I so drawn to this if Chad isn't there yet?"

An instant later I said, "What do you think of adoption?" I just threw it out there, not expecting anything really.

He calmly replies, "Actually I've been thinking about adoption all day today and yesterday. Maybe it's time for us to do this."

My eyes widened and I started smiling, a little bit at first and then hugely. (The smile hasn't stopped since.) It was the exact same feeling as seeing the two lines on a positive pregnancy test.

All I could say was, "REALLY!?"

And just like that, we were expecting our third child! For three weeks I researched different agencies. We narrowed it down to Holt, CHSFS, and Gladney. Our final choice was Gladney. I sent in our first paperwork on November 5th.

In the midst of everything with the adoption, we've celebrated birthdays for Leah, Chad and Melody. We also did Thanksgiving and our 8th Anniversary. And next week is Christmas!!!! To say I have been burning the candle at both ends is an understatement. Another factor -- I cannot sleep at night. My mind starts thinking about Africa, then Ethiopia, then the baby. Then I switch gears to where we are in the paperwork process. Then my freelance design deadlines. Then the house, which has fallen into crazy disarray because of everything else. Then I think about Ethiopia and the baby again. The circle is maddening. In all of this, Chad is next to me as still as a boulder, in the deepest stages of sleep.

Now you all know why I haven't had any time for blogging!

melody's birthday party

We celebrated Melody's birthday early this year. Her birthday is December 22; we had her party a couple of weekends early so that more people could attend. It was the first big birthday party we've had. It was a lot of work and a lot of fun! Above is a picture of Melody that I frantically snapped seconds before guests started to arrive.




I made the cake four layers because Melody is four years old! The cake had a total of 10 cups of sugar and an entire container of cocoa. We pretty much ate the whole thing at the party.



Here is my brother, aka Uncle Christopher. He is a wonderful uncle and a great gift giver. He gave Melody a pink flashlight; she was thrilled. She has wanted her own flash light for a long time.

leah's birthday party

Every Friday we do playgroup. There are eight moms and 19 kids. We trade houses, passing the crazy task of hosting around and around. Today everyone came to my house and we celebrated Leah's birthday. Playgroup Birthday Parties are great. There are no gifts required. (Leah did receive one gift and a few drawings this morning.) We have cupcakes or cakes -- sometime healthy versions, other times not. Today was not. I made chocolate cupcakes from the recipe on the Hershey Cocoa can. I discovered this recipe a couple of years ago and haven't stopped ranting/raving about it since. I opted to use heavy whipping cream instead of sugary frosting for the tops. I had whipping cream that needed to be used and I figured the kids would be fine with less sugar instead of more. I simply added one tablespoon of sugar and one teaspoon of vanilla extract to a couple cups of heavy cream. Mmmmmmmm. (For those who don't already know... heavy whipping cream is my new best friend.)

Even though my girls are almost two and four, this is the first time I've decorated for a birthday party for one of them. Last year I had grand plans, but they were falsely exposed to chicken pox, so we had a 21 days of no playgroups and no birthday parties. (It turned out our little friend had been allergic to laundry detergent. Not the chicken pox at all.) All of that to say, I started making some decorations last year. A few days ago I pulled them out and completed the task. Melody and I entered the a different world of scissors, double stick tape, paper tools and scrapbook paper. The floors were covered in tiny remnants of our crafting. (I don't waste much.) She repeated over and over again from the other side of the table, "Mommy this is so much fun." Music to my ears. Leah alternated between coloring and watching DVDs.

It was really fun for me to do this party. I will reuse all of the decorations for Melody's party in a few weeks. (For six weeks I will have a two year old and a three year old.) I daydream of making decorations for an Esty Shop someday.....

leah update

Leah will turn two next week. (!) I cannot believe my baby is going to be two years old. Everyone always say, It goes by so fast.... Now I can say the same thing. Leah is so much fun. She is sensitive, feisty, silly and loud. I took these photos about a month ago in the front yard.

big lip, sad girl

stress & sadness

Yesterday someone asked, "Are you still running crazy?" They were referring to my latest post from three weeks ago. No, I'm not running crazy anymore. At least not like I was. The freelance project was one of the hardest things I've ever done. There are many challenging things about being a stay at home mom of little ones, but these do not compare with the stress of trying to design 14 high profile greeting cards in 8 days after not designing cards for three years. I was beside myself.

Chad's mom and sisters were able to help by taking the girls in Illinois for a week! With the house empty and quiet I felt like I could solve all of the world's problems. It was a stark contrast to the normal pace of our home. Too bad we weren't able to clean it up because it would have stayed that way for 6 days!

I worked at my computer for 18 hours a day, only getting up to eat, pee, and sleep. It was insane. The week of running crazy made me appreciate my life so much. I am grateful that my life is not super stressful all of the time. I thought of people like heart surgeons and world leaders and wondered how they do it day after day. I am thankful for the tasks of loading the dishwasher, changing the laundry, walking the quarter of a mile to the mailbox. Above all else I appreciate the luxury of staying home with my girls everyday.

All of that to say, being a stay at home mom is hard!!! Hahaha. I know, I know... I just went on and on about how awesome it is. But the truth is, I struggle with this role too. I strive for more structure, for a routine. I want to be one of those people who keeps the house clean by working on it little by little, everyday. I try to figure out why I'm not this way. Is it because of the way I was raised? (My mom, grandma, and great grandma all had/have unstructured, unorganized, uncleaned houses.) Is it due to my personality? Is it a spiritual stronghold of laziness?

Another struggle is sadness. During my freelance project I didn't have time to be depressed, but as soon as it was over and regular life returned, I was down and out again. On the worst days I end up eating Big Macs, twizzlers, cokes, etc when I'm not hungry. I eat something and the sugar or caffeine fuels me long enough to sorta function for 45 more minutes. Then I wander back to the kitchen or back to a drive thru for more fuel. By the time 6pm rolls around I'm frantic for Chad to relieve me of my day. He arrives and I barely survive until the girls are in bed.

I usually don't have two days like that in a row. I have fun times with Melody and Leah, but the bad days are too frequent. I'm seriously considering trying Wellbutrin again. It worked well the year before my pregnancy with Leah when I had postpartum depression. Before I make the final decision about the antidepressant I'm going to see a Christian counselor. I guess I just want to talk things out with a professional. It's been 5 years since I did any therapy. I've heard that age 35 is typically a good time for adults to hash out their childhood and family stuff in therapy. Maybe people are finally ready to see reality and get healthy at age 35. I'm 32, so perhaps that's starting for me.

running crazy

Several years ago Chad had a coworker named Andres, from El Salvador. His English was decent but he often used funny expressions. One of the comical things he said was, "I'm running crazy!" instead of "I'm really busy." For the past few years Chad and I have continued using this expression. When we are super stressed Andres' expression seems to express our feelings more accurately than saying the normal, "I'm really busy...."

All that to say, I AM RUNNING CRAZY!

Yesterday I accepted a freelance job that is insanely ambitious. I've never done this much work in such a short amount of time. I was having a relaxing and peaceful day. The girls were occupying themselves and I was painting some artwork at the kitchen table. Third Day's Blessed Assurance was on the radio. (Another favorite of mine.) The day was easy, peaceful, lovely. Then I checked my email, read the freelance opportunity, and accepted it.

In an instant my happy day was demolished. Anxiety oozed from every pore. I snapped the radio off, mid hymn. I paced the house with my thoughts darting off the walls and floor like a pin ball. The rest of the day was a internal battle for calm. I decided to have a fun day with the girls since I'll be working nonstop for the next eight days. We put on our swimsuits and got in the blistering hot car to go to the pool. As we backed out of the driveway I suggested we pray for a good outing together. Melody said she would pray.... it went something like this, "Lord help us have a good time today. Help me obey Mommy and cooperate. Please don't let anything horrible happen."

Forty-five minutes later we arrived at the Aquatic Center to discover a vacant parking lot and an empty pool. I eyed the girls cautiously as I told them the pool was closed. They both handled it beautifully, and I immediately realized Melody's prayer was answered. We ended up doing some shopping and I bought Melody her first Princess Collection item. (Three pack of glittery lip gloss.) I've been holding off on Princess items because I don't care for paying three times as much for a ball because it has an ugly Cinderella sticker on it. I usually control the situation by presenting her with two options... "Do you want this Eric Carle book or this polka dot ball?" Yesterday she decided that SHE would pick out a toy by herself. She found the lip gloss and freaked out saying, THIS IS SO COOL. THIS IS WHAT I WANT. I sighed and said okay. Then I spied a Hello Kitty lip gloss set. I have always had a soft place in my heart for Hello Kitty, so I showed it to her to see if she'd rather have that one. "The Princess Collection is better." she said.

We ended up having a fun outing. Her prayer was answered. Now I will ask Melody to pray for me as I start the freelance project.

my birthday

Yesterday was my birthday. As a (new) 32 year old, I don't expect my birthdays to be stellar. Yesterday blew my expectations out of the water.

The day began with Melody singing me Happy Birthday To You at the breakfast table. Her voice is so soft and sweet. At 10:00am we headed to town. (I hate it that I use that expression all the time. "Girls are you ready to go to town?" Ick.) Anyway, we drove to Renae's house for bible study time with Renae and Lauren, which is actually just talk time lately. We haven't been doing an actual bible study in long time. We mainly talk about our marriages, our emotional state, and we pray together.

Renae and Lauren remembered it was my birthday and had a decadent chocolate cake ready and waiting on the kitchen counter, complete with Reeses candies on top. We promptly ate three large pieces at the dining room table while the kids played in the out of sight playroom. A couple of hours later we headed to Cafe on Broadway, Siloam's finally successful small town lunch destination. Sweet amazing Harmony (the master mind of the restaurant) brought us two desserts on the house. This time Melody and Leah helped partake of the sugar. Leah ate cookie quickly, trying to keep up with Melody.

We got home just in time to crash into our beds for a nap. I slept hard for 35 minutes and then slipped out of the bed (Melody was next to me). I started some laundry and then doodled around the house until Beck arrived. She surprised me with a large coke from Sonic! More sugar! We sat under the twin ceiling fans on the back porch and caught up. We then spent 15 minutes decided which restaurant to celebrate our birthdays at. Her birthday is 3 days after mine and we always go out together to celebrate. So picture this: we're sipping cokes, talking about where to eat, and then she says, "Have you lost weight?" We instantly burst out laughing at the irony. I replied, "Not today!"

Fast forward three hours. Chad arrived home with orange gerber daisies, a card, and Milano cookies. Does anyone see a trend here? Basically, my birthday was one sugar wave after another. I was happy all day because there was never an opportunity for me to come down off the sugar high.

It was a terrific day. I felt very loved and peaceful. One treat came toward the end of the day. Leah was drinking a smoothie and Melody was in the tub. Thus, it was a quiet moment. The kitchen radio was on and my two favorite songs were played, one right after the other. The first was Blessed Be Your Name and the second was the hymn Come Thou Fount. I sang along and felt deep joy in those six minutes. It was like a birthday present from KLRC.

late night craziness

A few nights ago Chad was working late. Leah went to bed at regular time, but Melody stayed up to wait for him. We had a fun girl time. I put her hair into a multitude of pony tails and then grabbed the camera....

poop drama

For two days Melody was afraid to poop. She would sit on the toilet and say things like,

The poop is going to hurt me.
I very want to wait.
I will go later.
I will go when I am four.

Poor girl! We trying everything... singing, laughing, stories. She even said, "Mommy will you pray that my poop won't hurt?" The next day the girls were in the tub. Melody jumped up. I HAVE TO POOP! She held on tight to the toilet so her slippery body wouldn't fall in. I rubbed her legs and said, "Try to relax sweetie. You can do it. It will be over soon. I know how you feel." It was like having a baby.

Soon she was finished. The offending object was indeed massive. Poor little girl. (She was proud of it though.) Then she said excitedly. IT DIDN'T EVEN HURT! GOD ANSWERED OUR PRAYER. This has been happening a lot lately in her life. We pray about bandaids coming off without pain, bug bites to shop itching, and the like. It's fun to see her realize that Jesus cares about the details of her life.

About 90 seconds after Melody hopped back into the tub, Leah squatted down and pooped into the bath water. I guess she didn't want to be left out of the poop drama.